Monday, November 28, 2005

Dowsing for Oil in Rockstar's Backyard

A recent Lincoln Journal Star article has me concerned for small credulous oil companies here in Nebraska. Now that oil is up to $754,789 a barrell (or somewhere near there, right?), there is a renewed interest in drilling for oil in a state not necessarily known as a powerhouse in the industry. So the small companies need a cheaper method of prospecting for oil. Their solution?

Dowsing!

Here's the problem. Gather round close now all...ready?

DOWSING IS BULLSHIT.

Got it? It doesn't work. Hogwash. Flim-flam. You'd be better served to wipe your ass with all those dollar bills you gave to the dowser; at least then you'd get some use out of them.

The article did a horrible job of presenting dowsing as anything but paranormal nonsense. The "evidence"? According to Bill Sydow, the Nebraska Oil and Gas Conservation Commissioner, "I've seen it work."

Very compelling evidence Bill. The article continues:

A self-described “new Earth creationist,” Sydow says the business of prospecting should be waged with imagination and intuition. He even believes it’s possible some oil is derived from a chemistry not directly linked to plants and animals that decayed at the bottom of ancient seas and lagoons, the known source of oil.

The Commissioner...of the Nebraska Oil...and Gas Conservation...is a Young-Earth Creationist. Please help me. This man believes all oil and natural gas is less than 10,000 years old and was put in its current place wholly by God. And it's possible that some oil is derived from an unknown chemistry. True, but it's also possible small gnomes live in our asses. Possible, not likely, and since there's no evidence to prove it, I call bullshit.

“Oil and gas,” he added, “is found in the minds of men.” (Aha! So it's not in the ground anymore? That's why I can't find any and retire Jed Clampett style!!)

That's like having Pat Robertson as Commisioner of Evolutionary Processes. It is a known fact that oil comes from ancient plants and animals that when combined with mud and under pressure for eons. Doesn't one have to have a working knowledge, nay, a basic understanding, of how oil is made to head up this commission? Not in Nebraska. Praise the LORD!

The only bit of skepticism I found was this little blurb:

Mainstream scientists have long disputed the idea that people can pinpoint minerals hundreds — even thousands — of feet below the surface by holding a branch or brass or any other so-called dowsing rod.

Complete missed opportunity to wipe the shit off the proverbial boot this article was. From Richard Romine, famed Nebraska dowser and self-deluded fool, we get this little anecdote:

“There’s oil on this property, I just know it,” Romine remembers his granddad saying as they walked to the mailbox. Romine jumped in with both feet, building up some oil-prospecting contacts, bringing more dowsers into the area. Four of the five, he said, detected oil. They used more than rod work to help detect oil, including radiometric mapping. Prospectors use it to help find subsurface high spots by measuring variations in the natural radiation of an area. The measurements showed a likelihood oil was there, Romine said. The company brought its rig to the prairie dog town in mid-October and drilled down to the shale. Surface casings were set for the pipe to protect groundwater, concrete poured around it. When the round-the-clock drilling started, Romine stayed — all night, sleeping in his Tahoe.

Over four days, the drill bore down.

Finally, at 4,672 feet, Romine learned a lesson: “When a hole comes up dry, your heart goes right down to your toes.”

It didn't work. He admits it doesn't work. But rather than question him, the journalist lets him explain it away. They just picked the wrong spot...Or maybe quit drilling too soon...Or maybe dowsing doesn't work.

One thing is for sure Nebraska Oil Companies - if you trust a dowser to prospect for you, you'll never pack-on-up and move to Bev-er-lee.

8 comments:

Rockstar Crystal said...

hahahaha! What more can you expect from the overly-conservative Nebraskans? Apparently, we'll believe anything. ;) I think Bill Sydow should be burned at the stake for practicing witchcraft. Isn't that what they used to do back in the day? The time of ignorance that we are still (unfortunately) in?

Rockstar Ryan said...

Yeah, no shit - WTF?

How's he going to heaven when believing in all that occultish evil?

See, it's not just religious people who are creduloids!

MichaelBains said...

He even believes it’s possible some oil is derived from a chemistry not directly linked to plants and animals that decayed at the bottom of ancient seas and lagoons, the known source of oil.

The "known source of oil" is obviously god's bowels after a drinkin' binge. That shit ain't nothin' but Divine Diarhea. And coal is just as obviously solid poop.

Sydow is a man of little Faith if'n he ain't figured that crap out yet. {-;

And I've tried dowsing once when I was 20 or so. All I found was my shoes.

Ken said...

I know there is alot of contradicting evidence on dowsing, but I can tell you from first hand experience it is being used by major oil companies for many different applications....

Rockstar Ryan said...

Ken:

Contradicting evidence? Do you know where I can find a double-blind study that does not say dowsing is complete bullshit?

Anonymous said...

That was awsome.You are great.

Anonymous said...

Yes it does work! Dowsing-Geologist. You just have the wrong dowser. Most don't know mother earth has spot in her belly that will make most dowser think they have Oil!!!!! Radioactive Shale and Radioactive Water. Hmm dowses like Oil ===== DRY HOLE!!!!!

Bronze Dog said...

You sure it's radioactive shale and/or water? Whenever a dowsing goes wrong, do you check for that stuff?

Honestly, it sounds like ad hocking to me.