Thursday, March 16, 2006

Image Dogtoring #1: Christians & Crusades























Disclaimers:
1. This was inspired by an entertaining MST3K rendition. Original images stolen from that website. The original comic is here.
2. I'm not actually saying Jack Chick runs a cult. You might catch me thinking it very loudly if you have telepathic abilities, though.
3. I don't think for a minute that Jack Chick or his ilk represent the bulk of Christianity. He's a living, breathing parody.
4. I'm a teetotaler by reason of sheer disinterest. That, and the one tiny, tiny sip I tried tasted like bleach.

EDIT: Since Pharyngula and Respectful Insolence have linked here, I foresee my chances of avoiding a lawsuit (since making fun of "religious" people seems to be a crime in America, nowadays) as decreasing. I give full permission for any readers to copy the images and pass them around. If you can somehow make money doing so, go right ahead. Just please keep my alias on it.

35 comments:

Paul said...

Very excellent with both humour and thought inducing brainwavinoids. Only point I'd like to mention; it was my understanding that the "challenge" was not open to claims of theological nature due to their inherent unfalsifiability.
-Gr8wight

Bronze Dog said...

Well, I think it's dependant on the type of proof. If you could dig a hole anywhere in the ground and cause screaming flames to shoot up, while having some Latin-speaking horned beast climb out, yeah, I think that'd be applicable for the challenge.

The Brummell said...

Great stuff. Glad to finally find your blog, I've enjoyed your comments over at Pharyngula, Pooflinger, etc.

"3. I don't think for a minute that Jack Chick or his ilk represent the bulk of Christianity. He's a living, breathing parody."

Absolutely true. If you're ever feeling like a dose of surreal paranoia for fun, his website is hard to beat.

"4. I'm a teetotaler by reason of sheer disinterest. That, and the one tiny, tiny sip I tried tasted like bleach."

Two questions:
a) what did you try? Most drinks (alcoholic and otherwise) are slightly acidic, so taste sour, rather than bleach-like bitter.
b) how do you know what bleach tastes like, anyways? I'm basing my opinion of the taste on experience with Chlorinated water and very-low-concentration Sodium Hydroxide.

Bronze Dog said...

1) It was one of my brother's favored brands of beer: Zeigenbach or something like that. Said it was made by German -> Texas immigrants. (Note: For some reason, I get something similar with Pepsi, though far less powerful)

2) Once, my mother was cleaning up the tray for the toaster oven, letting it soak in liquid bleach at one point. She didn't wash it off well enough.

OutEast said...

Very funny, BD! Almost enough to make me seek out the original...

Anonymous said...

Best JTC parody I have seen! Thanks for brightening my morning.

Txfeminist said...

That's totally hilarious!

BruceH said...

Probably not ZeigenBock, which is an Anheiser Busch (Budweiser) product and is not really all that good. It was probably Shiner Bock, a product of the Spoezel Brewing Co. The brewery was established in 1909 by the town's residents (mostly German and Czech immigrants) because they wanted old world style beer and all that was available locally at the time was american lagers.

BruceH said...

Sorry, the town is Shiner, Texas.

Anonymous said...

You are likely protected by parody:

http://www.aclu.org/lgbt/discrim/24716res20060322.html

Contact the ACLU if you are hassled.

Anonymous said...

Not only would ACLU help in the case of Parody, but one of my favorite groups, http://www.cbldf.org/

kholstomer said...

Can we make a movie of this? Starring Marg Hellgenberger, I mean, Helgenberger.

LBBP said...

A similar situation arose with a Cthulhu parody of a Chick Tract. The result there was that they pulled the cartoon. Fortunately, thanks to the wonders of search engine caches, the work was saved.

JoeB said...

Excellent. After reading the original, it's even funnier! I've archived your images...if you have to take them down, I hope it's all right with you if they start appearing in other places online.

Bronze Dog said...

I'm now counting on them to appear at other places. I think it'd be nice to be an Internet meme.

I think that tonight, I should email the ACLU or something.

Pastor Maker said...

Yes, it was a great Jack Chick parody, but unlike "anonymous", I can't vote for this as the best Jack Chick parody ever. That honor undoubtedly belongs to the infamous "Lovecraft/Cthulu missionary" parody that is still floating around on the web...somewhere.

Pastor Maker said...

Ha! Found it! Here's a link to the best Jack Chick parody ...ever!
http://x11.putfile.com/3/8615554629.jpg

Pastor Maker said...

Sorry...you'll have to copy and paste the address...
http://x11.putfile.com/3/8615554629.jpg

Bronze Dog said...

Pastor Maker's link for easy clicking.

I'll be sure to read it when I'm not surrounded by potentially thin-skinned individuals.

Quentin Long said...

It's good to know that the original version of Who Will be Eaten First? is still lurking in the darker, festering recesses of the Internet. In addition, I did my part to help preserve WWBEF? in some way, shape, or form: I re-drew the thing in its entirety, and (with the original creator's permission) posted the re-drawn version as part of my netzine, TSAT. Those who are interested can check it out for themselves:

http://tsat.transform.to/i.34/cmc.34.mr.html -- main site
http://tsat.xepher.net/i.34/cmc.34.mr.html -- mirror site

JM O'Donnell said...

Well edited Bronze Dog, well edited indeed. IMHO this is right up there with many of the best Jack Chick tract destructions such as Cthulhu and the other DnD style one.

Anonymous said...

It's even more funny when you read the original. *wipes away tears of laughter*

Jess said...

Ahh, just beautiful :)

I was accosted in the street by a pair of Christians who, on learning I'm a Witch, promptly told me I've got a one-way ticket to Hell.

It's parodies like this that make me continue to smile despite the fear and dread about fundamentalism that wraps around my heart.

Bronze Dog said...

I'd just like to take a moment to thank everyone for all your support and compliments.

I'm glad I've helped spread smiles, laughs, chuckles, giggles, and titters over the world.

Think I should see if I can check my site traffic to see just how much of the world got those various lip positions and diaphram spasms thanks to me. Anyone know how I can do that?

Steve Ahlquist said...

I think the next part of the idea is to actually print up tracts like that, and leave them around, hand them out to people, and try to effectively market the skeptical viewpoint in exactly the same way as Chick and his ilk do, but with a hell of a lot more intelligence and humor. People respond to these things, I've been collecting them all my life, and have heard from many people a confused conception of their own Christianity that tries to somehow meld together a Chick tract with some sort of liberal Congregationalism or somesuch. Chick influences the way people think about their own religion, and there's a chance here to muddle the issue and dull the tratcs effectiveness.

Anonymous said...

While everyone's talking about it, check out
www.geocities.com/xiansamongus
More Chick parodies!

Anonymous said...

Nice work, bronze dog. Let me know if you're ever in Vienna, and I'll treat you to a (non-alcoholic) beverage of your choice. Cheers, zilch

Anonymous said...

You're right about Jack Chick! He's an idiot! He thinks he's doing the so-called 'work of God', but since when is D&D evil? It's not evil at all! In fact, I heard it encourages reading. I've also heard it can help Math skills!

The Anti Atheist said...

Ah, the old argumentum ad ridiculum...make fun of them until they shut up!

Always a last ditch effort, but often effective.

Next stop: Gulags, brainwashing camps, and "re-eduction" into atheist materialims.

Bronze Dog said...

Ah, the old argumentum ad ridiculum...make fun of them until they shut up!

Always a last ditch effort, but often effective.

Next stop: Gulags, brainwashing camps, and "re-eduction" into atheist materialims.


Ah, the old argumentum ad "make stuff up."

Besides, what's wrong about ridiculing people for already being ridiculous? Don't you know who Jack Chick is?

I wouldn't wish the gulag or "reeducation" on anyone: Stalin did that to a lot of people for believing in evolution.

Lot of the Religious Wrong, however, are big into turning our public schools into first-time indoctrination places with unethical and immoral government endorsements of religion.

Bronze Dog said...

Well, looking back at my blog traffic, it seems this Anti-Atheist character may have actually searched for Chick by name.

If so, his contact with real life atheists is probably zero, if he thinks we're occultists like Jack Chick. (What else would you call someone who actually believes in witchcraft in this day and age?)

Note also that he doesn't deny the fallacies I accuse Chick of performing.

MothandRust said...

That was truly excellent. I recently did a parody also of one of whacko Jacko's comics on my blog.

Such an easy and fun target.

David Marjanović said...

What is this talk about the Cthulhu Tract not existing anymore? I posted the link on Pharyngula yesterday. Here is it again.

The redrawing doesn't even manage to spell .

KingBushwicktheToityToid said...

Yes,I know all about Shiner Beer!!
For 22 years of my life-1974-96-I lived a mere 15 miles north of Shiner in Flatonia,Texas and I remember when only real Bohemians*(*Peoiple of Czech ancestry)would touch it,then all the Yankee Yuppies who descended upon the Austin in the late 80's started drinking it!!

Anyway,here's my idea for a"Dark Dragons"movie:Christina Hendricks to play the Mom;Don Draper to play the Dungeon Master;Paris Hilton to play Debbie;Kirk Cameron to play the minister who gets Debbie to convert to Christianity;The Baldwins to potray their dooshbag selves;Kam Fong as Chin Ho;Jerry Mathers as The Beaver and Tina as Sarah Palin!!

Anonymous said...

I prefer the argument ad scott bakula: "I'm a retard?" Test each of your philosophical/eschatological opinions to see if they pass through this filter unscathed!