Thursday, June 16, 2005

Why Astrology is Useless or A Daily Diary of This Week's Horoscope

I've been wanting to do this for quite some time - take a whole week of horoscopes and compare them to what really happened the next day. The amazing Astrologer/Psychic/Author/Bullshit Artist Rochelle Gordon has kindly taken some time out of her busy day and obliged me. I put in my exact birthdate, hit "send", and later I received a whole week of predictions designed just for me! What a great opportunity to show not only how useless astrology is, but what an idiot she is! You can read my horoscope here. I'm not even going to concern myself with proving it doesn't work. We know it doesn't. For pity's sake we'll go to the Land of Make-Believe where Rochelle lives with the fairies, leprechauns and Jesus. We'll pretend astrology works. My goal: to prove that even if the planets controlled my destiny, whatever these nutbars tell us is absolutely useless.

So I decided to keep a running diary comparing what Rochelle said me and the other 300,000 people who share my birthday and date would experience this week, and what happened in the real world. We'll skip all the horsecrap at the beginning about the moon of Virgo entering Uranus (huh-huh) and sup on the meat of stupidity. Here goes:

June 13, 2005

Today you may find yourself more concerned than usual with issues concerning health and wellbeing. You should try to remember that being robust and strong is often a question of mind over matter.

But I was ill last week! If I'd have had this amazing foresight in time, I could've gone to the doctor, told him a magic lady said I'd be sick, and gotten a prescription! Oh, wait, she doesn't say I'd be sick. She said I may find myself more concerned about issues concerning health and wellbeing. So what, I need to prepare for a lot of concerning? Thanks for the tip.

Your daily responsibilities are likely to increase now, but they won't be without their rewards. Observers will admire the efficient way in which you approach your duties.

Strike two!! My boss told me just the opposite regarding my efficiency. Probably because I'm always writing in my crappy blog...

You may feel torn between doing your own work and helping a friend. Put your chores aside for the moment in favor of assisting your pal. That way, you may be able to get a boost when you need it most.

There's that "may" crap again. I "may" be concerned about stuff. I "may" feel torn between work and a friend. I might do a lot of things. But I did not need to put any chores aside to help a friend. I guess Rochelle was right, since I may or may not have done it, correct? Astrology is not a very precise pseudo-science...

I suppose I'm not doing a good job in the Land of Make-Believe and shoehorning these predictions into what happened to me yesterday. I guess my mind doesn't work that way. Probably because I'm not a mopey, fat 40 year old divorced woman holding a power crystal hoping to find Mr. Right. (Feel free to e-mail me though, baby, I'm Mr. RIGHT NOW)

Social events may surround such activities as health care, diet and exercise routines or lectures or gatherings involving personal well- being. Your sense of responsibility includes a good sense of humor.

I "may" be involved with my personal well-being? (Wait, it's well-being now and not wellbeing? I suppose I concern over one and involve the other) No, I will be involved with my personal well-being. Otherwise I'd be like these idiots. The only social event I participated in was a rock show, opening for Dark New Day. She is right about one thing though - I feel responsible for showing the rest of the world what a scamming/defrauding/only-uses-a-hyphen-50%-of-the-time kind of person she is, and will do so with a good sense of humor.

Having been disappointed with Monday's reading, I e-mailed Rochelle:

"Question:

What the hell does any of this magic fore knowledge do for me? I "may" be more concerned about health and wellbeing? I "may" feel torn between helping a friend and doing work?

I "may" feel like licking a dog's butt. This doesn't necessarily make it fucking so."

I can't wait for the response.

June 14, 2005

You may be hungry for delicacies today, my friend. Indulging in finer foods can make you very happy. The appearance of your food may be as important as the taste, so pay attention to presentation.

Step 1. Find one thing useful in that paragraph. Step 2. Remember people pay astrologers to tell them these things. Step 3. Laugh. What delicacies was I supposed to maybe hungry for? Thai? Indian? Klingon? The $.99 party pizza did just fine.

Try not to get too wrapped up in the details of a complicated project, my dear. The emphasis should be on getting things finished, rather than making everything perfect.

I'm not working on any "projects" right now. Seriously, I wonder if there was some moron out there that read this and now his Lego castle looks like shit.

When under pressure or stress, are your nerves affected? This is a time for finding ways to relax and release tension. Putting your domestic and daily responsibilities in order will help you greatly.

sigh...No jackass, my nerves aren't affected when I'm under pressure or stress. When stressed, I feel like giving everyone a big hug, starting with you. But then you have to be bodyslammed.

June 15, 2005

You may find yourself scrutinizing the world around you to make sure that you can find beauty in every corner. Today can be a good day to clean and spruce up your home. Buy flowers and scented candles, too.

It wouldn't be a horoscope unless it started the day off with something I "may" do. These readings are starting to sound like the textbook they read from in the classes for the "special" kids. So far this week I'm supposed to:

1. Take care of myself.

2. Feed myself.

3. Clean.

Help Rochelle! What do I do next? And does she remember she's talking to a bunch of 25 year old kids? Half of which are men? How many Rockstars have flowers and smelly candles in their pads? And just what are the said candles supposed to smell like? Probably bullshit. Even in the Land of Make-Believe I'm starting to think my birthdate had nothing to do with my readings...

Breaking a bad habit can be made easier now; this is the time to do something about it. Your willpower is strong, so set your mind to it. You can be over the habit in a few days.

Why is breaking a bad habit easier now? She doesn't even pay me the common courtesy of letting me know that Mars is entering Virgo from the rear, or something like that. I'd say that she's just making all this up, but remember, we're still in the Land of Make-Believe. Here comes the trolley now...

Take extra care of your health and that of your family and loved ones today, my friend. Don't be in too much of a hurry on any count. Take your time and plan your actions carefully, both at work and at home.

I just don't know what to say anymore. Take care of yourself and think before you act. Guess what? I didn't use any "extra" care, and I'm fine. Again, people pay money to be told this...and you're not my fucking friend...

My letter to Rochelle for the day:

"Rochelle,

My forecast for yesterday said to clean my house, buy flowers and smelly candles, and take care of myself. Do you think I stink or something? The day before you reminded me to eat. Are your forecasts for retarded people? I think you should know I'm not a retarded person. Can you please just tell me how to win the lottery or something?"

June 16, 2005

I finally got a response from Rochelle! I couldn't wait to read it. Surely she fixed my horoscope, as it obviously got mixed up with a mentally handicapped old woman's reading.

Ok, the "exclusive free offer" thing at the top seemed weird, but she tells me it's important - she had a sense of psychic urgency when doing my reading (why'd she wait till Thursday to tell me?) that I had a burning question nagging me!

In your forecast, I am committed to giving you daily guidance that reflects my sense of how the stars and planets will affect you. And right now, the stars will be aligned in your favor for the next few precious months.
So this is your opportunity to increase your chances to win lots of money, to get what you need and want from someone you love, to find out the answer to a question that refuses to go away...

Yes! Yes! Yes! How!?

The phenomenon I am talking about is the amazing... POWER OF THE PENDULUM

Huh? The POWER OF THE PENDULUM? If the stars are aligned in my favor...

*Rockstar has had enough, and projects from the ethereal plane of the Land of Make-Believe back to the real world*

No. I just can't take this shit anymore. This woman is actually offering to sell me A FUCKING PENDULUM THAT TELLS THE FUTURE. I don't even think I need to debunk this thing, but she says:

Because the pendulum is so easy to use, it only takes moments to master it! With the help of a pendulum, you can get detailed answers to questions like...
What numbers should I play in the lottery this week?
When is the best time to move out of my house?
Does the person I love feel the same way about me?
Will these arguments with a close loved one end?
Where should I look for employment?
What can I do to stop these headaches?

See anywhere in this mighty communique she explains how it works? Of course not. Letter to Rochelle for the week:

Rochelle,

Apparently you have not received my prior e-mails. Here are recaps of my letters you can read on my weblog, rockstarramblings.blogspot.com.

(Here I insert THE POWER OF THE PENDULUM letter and recap my prior letters.)

Your "predictions" are bad enough, but the attached comminique is what really upsets me. The fact you are making a living as a professional fraud is bad enough, but selling THE POWER OF THE PENDULUM to sap magnets should be downright illegal.
If your magic pendulums and psychic powers really work, please sign up for the JREF Million Dollar Challenge at www.randi.org. If you can pass the test, I will retract my harsh remarks.
Until then - in my opinion you are just a fucking fraud. Take me off your list, I'm through making fun of you.
Regards,
Rockstar Ryan

Unfortunately, this article is making me ill to my stomach. I can't go on. Right now, there are people basing their lives on what these assholes tell them. They are making choices involving their jobs, their lives, and their children's lives based on a FUCKING PENDULUM. This is why it's not OK to believe in Woo-Woo.

What if your physician made a diagnosis based on your zodiac sign? What if you were on trial for a crime you did not commit and the judge decided your guilt or innocence on a FUCKING PENDULUM? Think twice about the woo people, before you hurt yourself...or more importantly ME!

14 comments:

Kel said...

Dear Rockstar,
I liked your responses and comments to Rochell Gordon's shit. Rock on!! and thanks for putting the truth out there.
Kelli

Anonymous said...

I think your and angry person who is just looking for an excuse to verbalise it. There was nothing wrong with what Rochell wrote you. If you don't beleave in astrology or in spirit or in god. Good for you. Find some really valid reason to get mad and fight for that. like human rights other wise your wasting your gift and your energy. In your defence, there are some real Ass holes out ther trying to rip you off I don't see it in Rochell though.

Bronze Dog said...

What's with this silly focus on Ryan's anger? Should Ryan not get angry at societal leeches? Apathy is not a virtue.

Oh, and do you honestly think you know Ryan's life better than he does?

Probable doggerels used:
#35
#36
#38
#39
#44
#45

Anonymous said...

No Your right appaty is not a virtue but honesty kindness and compasion are. and I don't know Ryan I just thought he sounded like a woman on her period. I am not looking for a fight. I am just think he has defanate talent in his raving and he should target some real criminals. But thats just my oppion. actually he would do well in jernalism you have to be extra cinical to make it in that field. well I am thinking of giving Rochell a try. I am one of those wakies who base there lives on pendulems and i am reserching astrology which is actually really interesting and has been in use for thousands of years. It seems rather compicated though. I think you need to go to school to specialise in it. I think I was offended when Ryan implyed that the mythical and sprititual law's where a waist of time. Many nations revolved around it. such as the Mayin culture. Egypt and such. He should really look into it before saying it is all nonsence. Further more there are alot of people that are really intuitive and sensitive to energy and negative thought patterns that they routeely medicate it with alcohol drugs and sex in order to not feel anything any more. I am not saying every one I am saying some. I think that there is something that he is looking for since he did register with Rochell he might have been just looking for a fight. or wanting to look good infront of his audience. but like i said I don't know him and this is just my point of view.

Bronze Dog said...

No Your right appaty is not a virtue but honesty kindness and compasion are. and I don't know Ryan I just thought he sounded like a woman on her period.

It's hard to call a societal leech a societal leech and be polite while doing so. Honesty is discourteous these days.

I am just think he has defanate talent in his raving and he should target some real criminals. But thats just my oppion. actually he would do well in jernalism you have to be extra cinical to make it in that field.

We'd never make in today's journalism: Honesty is a drawback in a profession designed to keep people happy with lies. Additionally, I find it funny that you call us cynics. Rochelle charges for a service she can't provide. If she could do it, she'd have Randi's millions.

well I am thinking of giving Rochell a try. I am one of those wakies who base there lives on pendulems and i am reserching astrology which is actually really interesting and has been in use for thousands of years. It seems rather compicated though. I think you need to go to school to specialise in it.

You might want to do some research on whether or not that stuff actually works. Double-blind tests and so forth.

Doggerel #13, by the way. Age has nothing to do with validity.

I think I was offended when Ryan implyed that the mythical and sprititual law's where a waist of time. Many nations revolved around it. such as the Mayin culture. Egypt and such. He should really look into it before saying it is all nonsence.

We've both looked into it. This post was an instance of Ryan looking further into astrology and again finding nothing. That's what just about all the skeptical websites are about.

Further more there are alot of people that are really intuitive and sensitive to energy and negative thought patterns that they routeely medicate it with alcohol drugs and sex in order to not feel anything any more. I am not saying every one I am saying some.

Prove that a person can be sensitive to "energy" and "negative thought patterns."

I think that there is something that he is looking for since he did register with Rochell he might have been just looking for a fight. or wanting to look good infront of his audience. but like i said I don't know him and this is just my point of view.

Since you haven't put up a name, I'm giving you one: Cynic.

Did it ever occur to you that skeptics believe that Rochelle and psychics in general are frauds because we've actually seen their methods and trickery, and Ryan felt like adding firsthand experience to the pile?

Anonymous said...

HI this is Cynic, thank you bronze dog for taking the time to point some things out to me. Is that what you are Sckeptics you go out of your way to disprove things unseen and such. well it just so happens that I can prove that you can feel energy before. every thing in the universe is made up of energy right. how do you explain wind. and feeling the warm sun on your face on a sunny day. That is the same kind of energy that a human being is made up of. mmm, let me see if I can show you. take a neclace, humor me here, and hold it in your left hand now without moving your hand at all think of something that you would associate with being positive. the neclace should move all by it self clock wise. Okay that is a yes ancer from your subconsious. now think of something that you associate with something negative. the neclace should move back and forth that is your no answer. If this worked you must be really pusedld right now. how does it work and why. well this can be explained threw the chacra system. its the way energy flows threw your body. in seven diferant points starting with the groin area all the way to the top of your head. each energy center has a specific job to do to keep your system helthy. like flight or fight would be in the groin area with conservation and preservation. and baisc instinics. I dont know if that makes sence. mmm like if someone is walking alone in the woods and they say they can feel somethign watching them and them they see a wild animal probably hungy. they felt it. the aura is made up of 7 different layers. each layer coresponds to a one of the energy points on the body. readers and Psycics or people who are more sensitive to the energy can read whats going on in your energy depending on which energy point is running and how. each energy point has a spicific clour and corespondes to a clour in the rainbow. when you understand what energy point coresponds to a specifc clour you can interpret sertain things that might be going on with that individual. If for instance you whrer to aks me for help, and I am all the way in Alberta and you are all the way where you are. and I got the okay to read you to help you out whith an issue. I would simply close my eyes and visualise you and then use my imagination to see what happens. like you hopping on one foot or an image of an acedent at at play groung invoving a swing. then I would aks you if you had hurt your self recently. its prety simple really. I beleave that the human body can heal it self in amazing ways if we let it.
any how this is the best explanation I can give a bout energy. Oh yes animals are really intune with that. like the dog that bit the womans brest repedidly until she took a closer look and discoverd that she had a lump there. Sure enough the doctors confermed that it was cancer. how did the dog know?? he felt it. something was not usual there in her energy. and if something happens to mommie then the dog might not get fed ect. and so there is the motivation for it to care. and you guys are probably right about rochelle and online fakes. and such but there are some of us who are true who help out when we are asked fee or no fee. I just wish there where more of us out there. I havent found anyone on the net that will help me just because I need help. they are all in there heads like bla bal bal money bla bla. thanks for reading me I didnt mean to take out my frustraton on you guys. I am just really sick of all the people who will take take take all the time. does that make any sence at all? I hole hartely agree with you about the media. they arnt intune with them selves at all. most of the world isnt i dont think. the only person I will listen to is the dali lama. and he says it too the hole world is back wards. I dont know I can't fix it. No one person can I dont think.

Bronze Dog said...

Is that what you are Sckeptics you go out of your way to disprove things unseen and such.

You're living up to your nickname. Don't you know that science deals largely with the unseen? That's because it's the best tool for handling the unseen.

well it just so happens that I can prove that you can feel energy before. every thing in the universe is made up of energy right. how do you explain wind. and feeling the warm sun on your face on a sunny day.

Wind is caused by uneven heating of the atmosphere where warm air tries to displace cold air. The latter is caused by radiant heat energy.

That is the same kind of energy that a human being is made up of.

Yup: The kind of energy they teach you about in chemistry and physics, not the magical kind.

mmm, let me see if I can show you. take a neclace, humor me here, and hold it in your left hand now without moving your hand at all think of something that you would associate with being positive. the neclace should move all by it self clock wise. Okay that is a yes ancer from your subconsious. now think of something that you associate with something negative. the neclace should move back and forth that is your no answer. If this worked you must be really pusedld right now.

Ideomotor effect. It's a well-known and tested phenomenon.

I beleave that the human body can heal it self in amazing ways if we let it.

That's one of the things modern medicine is actually based on, and is intended to aid the process where nature comes up short.

Oh yes animals are really intune with that. like the dog that bit the womans brest repedidly until she took a closer look and discoverd that she had a lump there. Sure enough the doctors confermed that it was cancer. how did the dog know?? he felt it. something was not usual there in her energy. and if something happens to mommie then the dog might not get fed ect. and so there is the motivation for it to care.

The dog smelled it, as I recall. No magic energy involved.

and you guys are probably right about rochelle and online fakes. and such but there are some of us who are true who help out when we are asked fee or no fee. I just wish there where more of us out there. I havent found anyone on the net that will help me just because I need help.

When you find one, direct him to the JREF Challenge.

the only person I will listen to is the dali lama. and he says it too the hole world is back wards. I dont know I can't fix it. No one person can I dont think.

If I recall correctly, he's said his beliefs will change as the science comes in. Exception he made, though, was about reincarnation. His mind is closed to any contrary evidence on that issue.

Rockstar Ryan said...

Cynic:

I've read most of your pathetic ramblings, but I wanted to address this issue -

...and such but there are some of us who are true who help out when we are asked fee or no fee.

If you say you are helping people with astrology, then you are either

A) Deluded, since astrology does not work. (if it did, I know a guy who'll hand out $1 million for evidence) or

B) Evil, since you know astrology does not work and continue to "help" people"

Put up or shut up. Does astrology work? Prove it or go away.

xiangtao said...

Just a quick comment on the Ideomotor effect. I used to do group sessions on occasion with a sports psychologist. In one of our first sessions she had us move weights on pendulums with our "minds" as a simple demonstration of the power our sub conscious has over our conscious actions. There is nothing myterious or metaphysical about it.

Anonymous said...

well thats just what I was saying it doesnt mater what I say or how I say it your just out there to stomp on what ever I do say. You asked me to prove it and I did. Idemotor or energy or psyci revelation science, its the same thing. I am not an astrologer I am a medium. I deal with alot of things that cant be explained away. I never once said magic I said energy and the chacra system which has been sientificly proven. Look it up. its interesting that you called me a cinic because I dont beleave that I am... and that Ryan said that I have pethetic rambelings considering... and the fact that your contradicting your selves. with the pendulum thing eh Ryan... we agree that it exsists and that things can be influenced in differnt ways. I do know of someone who is very well known and does good work in the Astrologer dept. his name is Rick Levine check out this site its defenatly not for a couple of people who what to be proven wrong though. www.stariq.com Asrology is a science and it does work for those who do it correctly. and for those who beleave it can. but I am done here since there is nothing more I can say and I ve proven that your all out to squash the hell out of anyone who simply dissagrees with you probably because you have nothing better to do. well I do and I have done what you asked. I proved that you can sence energy. the dog smelled it okay then there are outher examples of animals detecting things like illness and warning there owner about it. Check it out animalmiricles.com Ryan. You put up what are you about anyway? peole who live in glase houses...jerk

Bronze Dog said...

well thats just what I was saying it doesnt mater what I say or how I say it your just out there to stomp on what ever I do say. You asked me to prove it and I did. Idemotor or energy or psyci revelation science, its the same thing.

Hardly: The ideomotor effect isn't magical at all. Involuntary human reactions based on expectations are not the same as information being obtained through mysterious means. Conduct the same experiment without telling the person what to expect, and you'll start getting different results.

I deal with alot of things that cant be explained away. I never once said magic I said energy and the chacra system which has been sientificly proven. Look it up.

We have looked it up, and we keep failing to find any proof.

Oh, and "explained away" just means "explained in a manner I don't like."

with the pendulum thing eh Ryan... we agree that it exsists and that things can be influenced in differnt ways.

Yeah, but none of those involve your nebulous "energy" or "chakras" or anything like that. It's a very mundane, explainable phenomenon.

I do know of someone who is very well known and does good work in the Astrologer dept. his name is Rick Levine check out this site its defenatly not for a couple of people who what to be proven wrong though. www.stariq.com Asrology is a science and it does work for those who do it correctly. and for those who beleave it can.

1. Leaving yourself plenty of outs there: If the result's dead wrong, you can just claim we didn't do it right. Successes count, but failures get re-re-re-interpreted.

2. Why hasn't he claimed the JREF million dollars?

but I am done here since there is nothing more I can say and I ve proven that your all out to squash the hell out of anyone who simply dissagrees with you probably because you have nothing better to do.

All you've done is ignore our arguments. Oh, and you've just spouted the latest subject-changing doggerel entry.

well I do and I have done what you asked.

Can you show me scans of the relevant JREF Challenge applications, then?

I proved that you can sence energy.

Hardly. I'm not seeing a JREF Challenge application.

the dog smelled it okay then there are outher examples of animals detecting things like illness and warning there owner about it.

Yeah, but you claimed it was the dog sensing "energy" or something. Nope. It smelled relevant chemicals. No magic "energy" involved.

You put up what are you about anyway? peole who live in glase houses...jerk

Militant apathism again. Don't criticize. Don't question. Don't demand reasonable tests. Don't rock the boat when there's a whole profession of legal con artistry.

Rockstar Ryan said...

Bronze Dog:

Thanks for keeping up with this moron; I'm too busy at work (my only place of teh intarnets).

But let me leave everyone with this point:

The purpose of this article was to show that even if astrology works (it doesn't, see links in article), my reading was farking useless, as shown point by point.

fee said...

Hello Ryan, Your right nobody knows you better than you do,go within (meditate) and find all your answers and some. Fee

Rockstar Ryan said...

fee:

Please see the Doggerel Index. All your defense of stupid are belong to us.