Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Friday, June 24, 2005

My Work Has Been Validated

So I did a Google search for "Rochelle + Gordon + Bullshit" and this came up...

*Update 8-3-05 - Now search msn.com for "Sylvia Browne".

11th Skeptic's Circle

The 11th Skeptic's Circle is up over at Anne's Anti-Quackery and Science blog. I decided to include my dealings with the astrologers...

Monday, June 20, 2005

Astrologer/Psychic/Fraud Rochelle Responds

The Amazing Rochelle sent me a response! If you missed our previous correspondence, see it here.

Here is what I wrote:

"Rochelle,My forecast for yesterday said to clean my house, buy flowers and smelly candles, and take care of myself. Do you think I stink or something? The day before you reminded me to eat. Are your forecasts for retarded people? I think you should know I'm not a retarded person. Can you please just tell me how to win the lottery or something?"

Her response:

Dear Ryan:

I'm glad you asked that. Your lucky numbers carry special vibrations that conform with your astrological aspects each week. They provide a positive energy or atmosphere whenever you use them. You can use your lucky numbers in any action that involves choosing a number - such as a date or time of day. For example, if you have an important appointment or phone call to make, you can use your lucky numbers to set the best time. So say that two of your lucky numbers are 1 and 15. You could make the call at 1:15, or set up an appointment on the 1st or 15th of the month. You can even "reverse" your lucky numbers. If 12 was one of your lucky numbers, you could also use 21. And of course you can combine your lucky numbers, using all or a few of them, as you wish. Now that I've got you thinking, I'm sure you can come up with even more ways to use your Lucky Numbers. And the best of luck!

Your friend,Rochelle

I wrote back:

How do you know these are my lucky numbers? What evidence do you have to show that they were derived from a meaningful scientific process and not just pulled out of your ass? And for the last time, I'm not your fucking friend.

Rockstar Ryan

I wonder if she has a happy automated response to that?

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Why Astrology is Useless or A Daily Diary of This Week's Horoscope

I've been wanting to do this for quite some time - take a whole week of horoscopes and compare them to what really happened the next day. The amazing Astrologer/Psychic/Author/Bullshit Artist Rochelle Gordon has kindly taken some time out of her busy day and obliged me. I put in my exact birthdate, hit "send", and later I received a whole week of predictions designed just for me! What a great opportunity to show not only how useless astrology is, but what an idiot she is! You can read my horoscope here. I'm not even going to concern myself with proving it doesn't work. We know it doesn't. For pity's sake we'll go to the Land of Make-Believe where Rochelle lives with the fairies, leprechauns and Jesus. We'll pretend astrology works. My goal: to prove that even if the planets controlled my destiny, whatever these nutbars tell us is absolutely useless.

So I decided to keep a running diary comparing what Rochelle said me and the other 300,000 people who share my birthday and date would experience this week, and what happened in the real world. We'll skip all the horsecrap at the beginning about the moon of Virgo entering Uranus (huh-huh) and sup on the meat of stupidity. Here goes:

June 13, 2005

Today you may find yourself more concerned than usual with issues concerning health and wellbeing. You should try to remember that being robust and strong is often a question of mind over matter.

But I was ill last week! If I'd have had this amazing foresight in time, I could've gone to the doctor, told him a magic lady said I'd be sick, and gotten a prescription! Oh, wait, she doesn't say I'd be sick. She said I may find myself more concerned about issues concerning health and wellbeing. So what, I need to prepare for a lot of concerning? Thanks for the tip.

Your daily responsibilities are likely to increase now, but they won't be without their rewards. Observers will admire the efficient way in which you approach your duties.

Strike two!! My boss told me just the opposite regarding my efficiency. Probably because I'm always writing in my crappy blog...

You may feel torn between doing your own work and helping a friend. Put your chores aside for the moment in favor of assisting your pal. That way, you may be able to get a boost when you need it most.

There's that "may" crap again. I "may" be concerned about stuff. I "may" feel torn between work and a friend. I might do a lot of things. But I did not need to put any chores aside to help a friend. I guess Rochelle was right, since I may or may not have done it, correct? Astrology is not a very precise pseudo-science...

I suppose I'm not doing a good job in the Land of Make-Believe and shoehorning these predictions into what happened to me yesterday. I guess my mind doesn't work that way. Probably because I'm not a mopey, fat 40 year old divorced woman holding a power crystal hoping to find Mr. Right. (Feel free to e-mail me though, baby, I'm Mr. RIGHT NOW)

Social events may surround such activities as health care, diet and exercise routines or lectures or gatherings involving personal well- being. Your sense of responsibility includes a good sense of humor.

I "may" be involved with my personal well-being? (Wait, it's well-being now and not wellbeing? I suppose I concern over one and involve the other) No, I will be involved with my personal well-being. Otherwise I'd be like these idiots. The only social event I participated in was a rock show, opening for Dark New Day. She is right about one thing though - I feel responsible for showing the rest of the world what a scamming/defrauding/only-uses-a-hyphen-50%-of-the-time kind of person she is, and will do so with a good sense of humor.

Having been disappointed with Monday's reading, I e-mailed Rochelle:


What the hell does any of this magic fore knowledge do for me? I "may" be more concerned about health and wellbeing? I "may" feel torn between helping a friend and doing work?

I "may" feel like licking a dog's butt. This doesn't necessarily make it fucking so."

I can't wait for the response.

June 14, 2005

You may be hungry for delicacies today, my friend. Indulging in finer foods can make you very happy. The appearance of your food may be as important as the taste, so pay attention to presentation.

Step 1. Find one thing useful in that paragraph. Step 2. Remember people pay astrologers to tell them these things. Step 3. Laugh. What delicacies was I supposed to maybe hungry for? Thai? Indian? Klingon? The $.99 party pizza did just fine.

Try not to get too wrapped up in the details of a complicated project, my dear. The emphasis should be on getting things finished, rather than making everything perfect.

I'm not working on any "projects" right now. Seriously, I wonder if there was some moron out there that read this and now his Lego castle looks like shit.

When under pressure or stress, are your nerves affected? This is a time for finding ways to relax and release tension. Putting your domestic and daily responsibilities in order will help you greatly.

sigh...No jackass, my nerves aren't affected when I'm under pressure or stress. When stressed, I feel like giving everyone a big hug, starting with you. But then you have to be bodyslammed.

June 15, 2005

You may find yourself scrutinizing the world around you to make sure that you can find beauty in every corner. Today can be a good day to clean and spruce up your home. Buy flowers and scented candles, too.

It wouldn't be a horoscope unless it started the day off with something I "may" do. These readings are starting to sound like the textbook they read from in the classes for the "special" kids. So far this week I'm supposed to:

1. Take care of myself.

2. Feed myself.

3. Clean.

Help Rochelle! What do I do next? And does she remember she's talking to a bunch of 25 year old kids? Half of which are men? How many Rockstars have flowers and smelly candles in their pads? And just what are the said candles supposed to smell like? Probably bullshit. Even in the Land of Make-Believe I'm starting to think my birthdate had nothing to do with my readings...

Breaking a bad habit can be made easier now; this is the time to do something about it. Your willpower is strong, so set your mind to it. You can be over the habit in a few days.

Why is breaking a bad habit easier now? She doesn't even pay me the common courtesy of letting me know that Mars is entering Virgo from the rear, or something like that. I'd say that she's just making all this up, but remember, we're still in the Land of Make-Believe. Here comes the trolley now...

Take extra care of your health and that of your family and loved ones today, my friend. Don't be in too much of a hurry on any count. Take your time and plan your actions carefully, both at work and at home.

I just don't know what to say anymore. Take care of yourself and think before you act. Guess what? I didn't use any "extra" care, and I'm fine. Again, people pay money to be told this...and you're not my fucking friend...

My letter to Rochelle for the day:


My forecast for yesterday said to clean my house, buy flowers and smelly candles, and take care of myself. Do you think I stink or something? The day before you reminded me to eat. Are your forecasts for retarded people? I think you should know I'm not a retarded person. Can you please just tell me how to win the lottery or something?"

June 16, 2005

I finally got a response from Rochelle! I couldn't wait to read it. Surely she fixed my horoscope, as it obviously got mixed up with a mentally handicapped old woman's reading.

Ok, the "exclusive free offer" thing at the top seemed weird, but she tells me it's important - she had a sense of psychic urgency when doing my reading (why'd she wait till Thursday to tell me?) that I had a burning question nagging me!

In your forecast, I am committed to giving you daily guidance that reflects my sense of how the stars and planets will affect you. And right now, the stars will be aligned in your favor for the next few precious months.
So this is your opportunity to increase your chances to win lots of money, to get what you need and want from someone you love, to find out the answer to a question that refuses to go away...

Yes! Yes! Yes! How!?

The phenomenon I am talking about is the amazing... POWER OF THE PENDULUM

Huh? The POWER OF THE PENDULUM? If the stars are aligned in my favor...

*Rockstar has had enough, and projects from the ethereal plane of the Land of Make-Believe back to the real world*

No. I just can't take this shit anymore. This woman is actually offering to sell me A FUCKING PENDULUM THAT TELLS THE FUTURE. I don't even think I need to debunk this thing, but she says:

Because the pendulum is so easy to use, it only takes moments to master it! With the help of a pendulum, you can get detailed answers to questions like...
What numbers should I play in the lottery this week?
When is the best time to move out of my house?
Does the person I love feel the same way about me?
Will these arguments with a close loved one end?
Where should I look for employment?
What can I do to stop these headaches?

See anywhere in this mighty communique she explains how it works? Of course not. Letter to Rochelle for the week:


Apparently you have not received my prior e-mails. Here are recaps of my letters you can read on my weblog, rockstarramblings.blogspot.com.

(Here I insert THE POWER OF THE PENDULUM letter and recap my prior letters.)

Your "predictions" are bad enough, but the attached comminique is what really upsets me. The fact you are making a living as a professional fraud is bad enough, but selling THE POWER OF THE PENDULUM to sap magnets should be downright illegal.
If your magic pendulums and psychic powers really work, please sign up for the JREF Million Dollar Challenge at www.randi.org. If you can pass the test, I will retract my harsh remarks.
Until then - in my opinion you are just a fucking fraud. Take me off your list, I'm through making fun of you.
Rockstar Ryan

Unfortunately, this article is making me ill to my stomach. I can't go on. Right now, there are people basing their lives on what these assholes tell them. They are making choices involving their jobs, their lives, and their children's lives based on a FUCKING PENDULUM. This is why it's not OK to believe in Woo-Woo.

What if your physician made a diagnosis based on your zodiac sign? What if you were on trial for a crime you did not commit and the judge decided your guilt or innocence on a FUCKING PENDULUM? Think twice about the woo people, before you hurt yourself...or more importantly ME!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

IDiot + Computer = Nonsense

Another day, another Creationist. Today's victim of my wrath is Michael Joyce, a man who is in my opinion of course a complete freaking moron. He says "Persons have permission to use any of this material, provided Michael Joyce, Bill Johnston, Brenda Butler or Ron West are appropriately acknowledged." Okey dokey, let's get this out of the way:

Michael Joyce, Bill Johnston, Brenda Butler or Ron West wrote "God - THE MATHEMATICAL EVIDENCE" or "All the Bullshit in Italics".

Ok, here we go:

The solar system and certain natural phenomena are hallmarked with significant numerals.

As soon as I saw this, I knew it was going to be a classic case of shoehorning. Joy.

The first 7 words of Genesis, chapter 1, in the Hebrew Bible translate to: "In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth". To which most Evolutionists will respond as absolute "twaddle".

Doing my work for me? This is going to be easy. Except replace "Evolutionists" with "People Who are not Full of Shit". Like this: To which most People Who are not Full of Shit will respond as absolute "twaddle". I like that a lot better.

Our astrophysicists are likely to state: "In the beginning, the Big Bang ( created the stars and planets. )"

No, only mongoloids and IDiots would say that. I'd like to meet an astrophysicist that believes the Big Bang itself created the stars and planets. I'd slap him upside the head with his bible and piss on his Phd.

Circa 200 BC the Jews incorporated a method of numeration to words in the Torah, written in ancient Hebrew, by assigning a particular numerical value to each of the 22 letters of its alphabet. This is called Gematria.

So he's going to base his whole argument on Jewish mysticism. This is called stupid.

Hydrogen was the first manifestation of matter and can be looked upon as "giving birth" to all other atoms of the 100 or so different chemical elements such as carbon, oxygen, iron.

Someone please tell me this website is a joke. Just shut the damn internet down. You need a license to fish and hunt, but any IDiot that can type can spout Creationist woo-woo. I guess to someone who believes an invisible man in the sky created everything, it's not a big step to say hydrogen magically turned into every one of those there "100 or so" different chemical elements.

Numerals such as:...523 ( very closely approximates to p/6 , used to find the volume of a sphere )...Have been IMPRINTED in DIMENSIONS involving the SUN, EARTH & MOON and HYDROGEN...Were they stamp marked by accident? I think NOT!! It is a signature of an INTELLIGENT AGENT.

If this AGENT were so damned INTELLIGENT, why did it HAVE to APPROXIMATE? Come to think of it, most people measure the volume of a sphere with (4 / 3)x3.14xr3, not 523p/6... (No button for pi. Sue me!)

There is a definite case for evidence of an Architect of the Universe ( God, Creator, Intelligence ) when the simple numerical equivalents of the components of the solar system and atoms are considered, instead of their perceived measurements in whatever units ( miles, kilometres, nanometres etc ).

This makes no sense at all. Numbers can be evidence, but not if you make them up. Silly us for "perceiving measurements in whatever units". The site goes on to show a diagram with the Sun, Earth, and the Moon at nonsensical distances from one another.

But how do we obtain the number values shown in the diagram?

I'm dying to know. I'll go out on a limb and say it's probably by way of some assinine method.

By using the solar factor 72. SEVENTY-TWO ( 72 ) is the factor, which converts mile measurements in the micro- and macrocosms ( atoms, stars & planets ) into simple numbers.

Of course! The old SEVENTY-TWO rule. We all know that multiplying any number by 72 makes it simple. For instance, we know from the diagram that the Sun is 130000 simple numbers from the Earth. 130000/72 = 1805.555555. So the Earth is 1805.555555 miles from the Sun, right? Does this dumbass realize that the distance between the Sun and Earth changes? Anyway, I'm sure there's a good reason for using "72" and not 73 or 74. Let's see...

The ancient Maya included the number 7200 in their "long count" of days, because they were concerned about events ages ahead in the future.

I see. Since the ancient Maya included 7200 in their calendar, we should use 72 to multiply miles by to get the simple number. I'm friggin confused now. Do IDiots ever use logic? Or their brains? These people probably have to think about breathing in order to do it. I wish this one would forget.

The numbers 72 and its "mirror" image 27 have a property, unique only with planet Earth. 0297 is the mirror image of the Earth's 7920 miles diameter. When 7920 is divided by 72, and 0297 by 27, the result is the SAME. It is 11.

That would be cool if the diameter of the earth were 7920 miles in diameter. Unfortunately, it's not. And the mirror image of 7920 would be more like this:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

This is not even a number.

In "The Tenth Insight", the sequel to "The Celestine Prophecy", the authors write ...

Stop. I can't take anymore. Citing The Celestine Prophecy as evidence the numbers you pulled out of your ass show a divine creator is akin to citing a Transformers coloring book as evidence big robots live among us.

The article babbles on, making up numbers to apply to Jebus, photosynthesis, and reincarnation. All this supposedly shows that since the numbers are there, the universe was designed. Does it matter if the "evidence" is all made up? IDiot...

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Science Needs Help Against the IDiots Again...

*Update 6-6-05 - The Smithsonian has issued a CYA statement to smooth things over. We'll take it...for now.

*Update 7-15-05 - I received an e-mail from the Smithsonian, and thanked them for it. I understand their position now, and still respect them for the marvelous institution they are!

Pulled this off of Randi's site. Looks like the Smithsonian will be airing a film promoting the woo-woo of intelligent design. Folks, this is ridiculous. When the Smithsonian starts promoting pseudo-science, credulous minds can easily be warped. I can just hear it now..."Oh yeah? Well how come the Smithsonian believes ID" and other such gibberish.

The worst thing about this is they took a donation to show this film, saying they will use the funds to "further science". That is like me taking a donation from the Jehovah's Witnesses to knock on doors and saying I'll use the funds to prevent religious solicitation.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please e-mail Mr. Randall Kremer of Smithsonian Public Affairs at giving@si.edu and let him know that this is unacceptable.

Here is my letter:

Subject: ID is not Science

Mr. Kremer,

It was recently brought to my attention that the Smithsonian Institute is going to be airing a film by the Discovery Institute on Intelligent Design. This upsets me greatly.

The SI is known throughout the world as a promoter of knowledge, truth, and science. Therefore, by airing this film the SI is promoting this film and its silly ideas by proxy.

Mr. Kremer, ID is not science. There is nothing testable in the theories of ID, and there has never been any published experimentation to attempt to prove it. They simply use appeals to popularity and poke holes in evolutionary thought; those holes can quickly be filled back in.

Mr. James Randi has offered to make a donation to the Smithsonian Institute in the amount of $20,000 if you will NOT air this film. Also, you will not be required to air anything that promotes his/our position. Please take this into consideration and visit www.randi.org.

thank you for your time

I implore anyone who reads this to make the same remarks to Mr. Kremer.

This Must Stop

This is what I mean. Apparently, there are a bunch of little girls on the web that worship annorexia. Read that one more time: little girls that worship annorexia. I don't think I can treat this as humorous, it's too scary.

It is said that the way these girls talk about "Ana" is comparable to the way people talk to their god/gods. This is more frightening than normal religion: at least standard religious fare is based on some sort of "faith" in a "greater power", not a life-threatening disorder. People, they PRAY to a FUCKING DISEASE!

How do I know these are little girls? Do a google search on it: all them have 12 year old AOL'er names like ~!!!aNgeLgRrrl_109983pRinCEssLoLoMfG!!!~. That and these future walking skeletons actually look up to (I'm not joking on this one) Lindsey F'ing Lohan and Mary-Kate S'ing Olsen. Therefore, I can't suggest we make fun, only help them. But as soon as they turn 18, they are officially soon-to-be-nominated-for-the-Darwin-award idiots.

It's the older ones I think I officially dislike. According to the Associated Press, a preliminary survey of teens who've been diagnosed with eating disorders at the Lucile Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford University, for instance, found that 40 percent had visited Web sites that promote eating disorders. This means people old enough to actually have and create websites are convincing children that is is OK to have an eating disorder.

This must stop. I am going to e-mail some of the web hosts for some of these sites, and will publish any follow up.