Thursday, February 02, 2006

[Appeal_to_Ridicule] #1.1


Time for a little more [Appeal]. Fore Sam, also known as John Best, apparently a man of a thousand pseudonyms and great notoriety among skeptical bloggers, continues his nonsense on Respectful Insolence. This time, although he swears he's talking about autism, he expresses a great deal of interest in my employment and investment portfolio. Wish I had a financial consultant who was that interested in my money. This fetish grows to the point that he decides to withhold fundamental information about the (alleged) mercury-autism link (specifically how the Hg2+ cation separates itself from the thimerosal molecule, since my quick Google search came up with nothing) unless I satisfy his need to know. One wonders if he'll give me real proof of ghosts if I give him my social security, credit card, and personal identification numbers. Anyway, I've given him a little bite, and he may just give me that particular answer. Time will tell.

Anyway, enough with slightly exaggerating. On to XTREEEEME Xaggeration... I didn't just do that, did I? I'm going to sentence myself to a thousand baps with a rolled-up newspaper.

[Appeal_to_Ridicule]

Fore Sam: There's no time! You have to listen to me because there are lots of children suffering from autism right now! If we don't act now, they'll be condemned to a life of banging their head on the wall.

Bronze Dog: Woah, let's not be too hasty. I know we have to act, but we can't be rash to accept an unproven treatment based on an unproven cause working on a mechanism we don't know.

Fore Sam: That's not important, now! I'll tell you my plan after you answer my question: Do you have any stock in pharmaceutical companies?

Bronze Dog: Huh? What's this got to do with autism?

Fore Sam: I was thinking you might want to sell some of that stock and diversify your portfolio. Can't stay in one industry. You were there for the dot com bubble, weren't you?

Bronze Dog: I'm still not clear on how this relates to autism.

Fore Sam: Have you thought about interest rates, lately? You might also think about taking some equity out on your home or something.

Bronze Dog: Why aren't you talking about autism? I'm not the subject.

Fore Sam: Stonewalling the truth will get you nowhere. Now stop running away from the subject.

Bronze Dog: I don't own any stock.

Fore Sam: Oh.

To be continued . . . ?

[/Appeal_to_Ridicule]

So, question I asked the Rockstar groupies last time, but didn't get an answer to: Would this be considered a reducto ad absurdum instead? I'd love it if I had a flimsy pretense to do shrink gun jokes. Back off!

You know, all of this could have been avoided if chelators spent a little of their money on simple, proper double-blind control studies.

Links:
[Appeal_to_Ridicule] #1.0
[Appeal_to_Ridicule] #1.1

11 comments:

clone3g said...

Rock On Bronze Dog. If you really want to get drunk and swing a nail studded 2x4 at the Fore Sam Piñata you have to stop by the Fore Sam Hating Autistics blog. You just won't believe the crap that comes out of him when you lacerate his papier mâché exoskeleton. All sorts of rotten little confections for the kiddies to snack on. Pass the emesis basin please

You may even see the words Chelator Skelter painted on the fridge.

I think it was Dennis Miller on SNL who said something like "Charlie Manson got a copy of the White Album on CD and commented how the digital sound was so clear he no longer heard the messages and apologized for the whole big misunderstanding"

Unfortunately I think ForeSam is still listening to the Panasonic 8-track designed to look like a detonator. The plunger is broken so that same anthem plays on, and on, and on, and on.....

Bronze Dog said...

Thanks for the support, clone. When I take over the world by changing the laws of thermodynamics by purchasing pharma stock, I will be sure to give you an island full of naked skepchicks to... "play" on.

Alternate plan: I get a job at the JREF, thereby causing alchemy and psychic powers to spring into existence. I start a secret organization of alchemists and alter users and level all the major cities in the world.

MichaelBains said...

Hey! Can I be in charge of the Web Site & network on that Island of Nekkid Skeptichicks???

Excellent post B-Dog! That headcase, ForeSam, ain't even one of those crying Moms who, misguided though she be, just really wants help for her kids from any source. He's simply an irrational instigatory ass.

And, sorry but it's simply too late in the work day to figure out if it's reducto ad absurdum or otherwise. It sounds good, but we all know what first impressions are worth.

Good job bro!

Bronze Dog said...

Yes, Michael, you my be the "webmaster" of the New World Order and put whatever content you like on the site. Please note that I will be carefully reviewing all of it.

Kassiane said...

Beautiful.

Though. It's hard to satirize him properly...he himself IS a satire.

One of those skeptichicks, minus a blog...

Bronze Dog said...

Welcome to the ramblings, kassiane. :) Glad to have you standing up for truth, justice, and the generic constitutional democratic way which may no longer exist in America.

Anonymous said...

John Best is like the bass player who plays his ass off, slapping, two handed fretting, harmonics, etc., but doesn't listen to what the rest of the band is doing while masturbassing away in his favorite key. (G#m)
Maybe that's a bad analogy since it hints of talent.

Bronze Dog said...

Well, since the closest I come to being a rockstar is having a brother fond of mixing/spinning, I'll go ahead and presume such a bass player would sound really bad. :) Especially since I don't like egomaniacal non-team players.

I think he'd fit right in here, except he's quite busy. Asked him to write a couple paragraphs or something for me to quote an upcoming entry I'd like to make, and I haven't heard back from him.

He did have a tendency to take lots of writing-intensive courses while he was getting that B.A.

He'd probably do an even better job of tearing up Fore Sam/John Best, since spotting logical fallacies are a giant part of that degree. Sometime I need to take a look at his analysis of propaganda tactics used in the 2004 Presidential election debates.

Bartholomew Cubbins said...

After thinking about Best for a very long time and wondering why he does what he does (I've given up on the why would someone believe in ridiculous stuff question), I've come to the point that he is a useful training tool and a wonderful advertisement to let newbees know what DAN! and Generation Rescue are really about. Yes, John Best epitomizes both of these organizations. They should be proud of their boy JB Jr, and we (the 99.99% of the world) should be happy that such a person exists to frighten would-be quack and extremist victims away from DAN! and GR.

As far as tool goes, and I'm talking wedge here (most simple tool), he provides young junior highschool students interested in getting into the debate club a shining example of what they don't want to become later in life. I find it's more beneficial to know what you don't want to be rather than to be told what you should be.

Bronze Dog said...

"He's not a complete failure. He could always be a bad example."

Mich said...

Foreskin Sam makes me so sick, makes me ashamed to be a PU-man like him, since some people just choose to be so incedibly ignorant, so jackarse-ish. He tells me to sue the doctor that made me not think like him, and to ask my parents to get me chelated. He claims he's sane, when in reality, he's no less sane than his son (who he constantly makes fun of) is, and no more sane than I am.

In other words, he's an egotistical prick, and it makes my blood boil with rage whenever I think of him. His son probably hates him sooooo much.