Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pointless Question #55

Listen up, minions! We've been tracking a young card player who's been winning tournaments left and right. We fear he may have the potential to wield the power of the Atlantean Spirit Cards against us. The current plan is to send wave after wave of you to challenge him to a children's card game to get his rare cards and cripple his missing father's deck. Any other suggestions?

11 comments:

Tom Foss said...

Wait, how old is this kid? And he's playing a CCG? Let's send three high schoolers to punch him in the gut and give him a swirly.

What, the special cards? Don't we have a world domination plan that doesn't revolve around a card game? How about I punch you in the gut and give you a swirly?

King of Ferrets said...

Seriously? This is the evil plan? Dude, I'm mutinying.

*deposes the evil overlord and replaces him*

Okay, as long as we don't play card games, it doesn't matter if he has the damn cards. Therefore, change of plans: Shoot people in the face.

MWchase said...

Alternatively, we find a character that he's never legitimately beaten, and copy their deck build and strategy.

Anybody who complains about not being able to reach the heart of the cards will be shown their own heart. Of the cards.

Personally, so long as we're basing our evil plans off of games, we should get that Akagi guy in and make a fortune off of gambling on Mahjong matches.

Alternatively alternatively, so it wraps around... So long as our ranks are stuffed with card game experts, we should buy up stock in the CCG company, infiltrate R&D, and manipulate upcoming sets for a higher profit margin. The fans will probably complain about having to take out a second mortgage, but that's nothing new.

Dark Jaguar said...

I get a kick out of how these cards are supposed to embody ancient beasts except that by sheer chance they were all just produced by some modern company. Is there some part of the manufacturing process I don't know about?

It always seems to come down to a very lucky draw.

Even Magic isn't immune. Apparently there's an actual story to those cards and near as I can tell the players are supposed to be wizards using cards to summon all these beasts from across the world to battle, or they turn people and objects... and islands and mountains, into cards for easy storage to be turned back during battle, or something, it's not entirely clear. At any rate I think the easiest trick would be to call the wizard to a challenge in one room with a clever trick of setting the door slightly ajar with a bucket filled with water propped up above it. I'm sure soaked cards wouldn't be much use.

MWchase said...

Honestly, what has me most confused about Duel Monsters is...

A few of the things that confuse me about Duel Monsters are...

Among the things that confuse me about Duel Monsters...

Okay, so: The cards actually were supposed to be a new form of an ancient game played in Egypt. However, either wildly anachronistic or just plain bizarre cards were always part of it, or the spirits can accommodate them. It gets strange considering that some cards were explicitly made in modern times, by major characters, in contrast to the cards that Pegasus had the knowledge of forcibly inserted into his cranium.

There's also the fact that using the millennium items to get in touch with the heart of the cards, when it's explained how that influences the game, sounds exactly like cheating, except it's totally undetectable, except for the indestructable bling.

...

Wiki4life, yo. Word up, or something.

Bronze Dog said...

On the topic of Magic:tG, the land cards represent connection to an actual land somewhere to draw mana from. Creatures and artifacts are summoned, and the rest are spells.

Don't know what's going on with the current storyline with the planeswalker sparks being messed with, but my first play session, about the only way mortals could beat planeswalkers on their own pretty much involved an army sneaking up on a very soundly sleeping one. So, no, bucket over a door's only going to make 'em angry and level the surrounding area.

Dark Jaguar said...

So the land cards are just supposed to be a focus to channel the energy then and the rest of the cards summon things into battle right? (And I suppose spell cards just flash above them all magically before using their effect.)

I don't know anything about planeswalkers or if they carry cards around too, but the point I was making was that if you mess up a wizard's deck he's kinda out of the match.

Bronze Dog said...

The cards are abstractions, so no decks.

They're roughly analogous to the spell packets in a D&D Vancian wizard's head. You force discards with spells like "Mind Twist" and draw extra with artifact tomes and spells like "Inspiration" and "Counsel of the Soratami."

Dark Jaguar said...

So they're just mental cards. That's gotta be a pretty weird head to be in. Somehow that's not quite as legendary... for some reason I can't quite finger...

MWchase said...

Well, either you've got some cards that are inexplicably powerful and therefore awesome, or you've got a guy pretending he has cards, which is less so.

Bronze Dog said...

Evil Overlord List Cellblock C:

No matter how much ancient mystical power they hold, collectible card games will not be the key to my evil plan. However, I will not be above marketing them to children and organizing a series of tournaments with a cool and mysterious looking but actually useless object as a prize.