Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Castle Town Crime Log

Vandalism, petty theft: Reported destruction of antique clay pots, estimated value 350 rupees. Resident child reported hiding 7 rupees of saved up allowance in the pots, not found in the remains. Sharp pieces briefly posed a threat to pedestrian traffic until cleanup.

Property destruction, grand theft: Shopkeeper reports destruction of a patch in his roof and theft of a heart talisman stored in a chest. Estimated value of 2,000 rupees. Residents reported a young man in a green tunic jumping across rooftops with a golden rooster. Bomb shop owner reported a young man of matching description bought 60 standard bombs, 30 water bombs, and 20 mobile bombs. City guard and citizens have been warned to watch for suspicious individuals and increase security around their valuables.

Animal and Supernatural Creatures report: A small red-haired demon has been spotted riding a large black wolf through alleyways. Various citizens report the wolf sniffing the ground, apparently following a scent trail. Citizens are warned not to approach either creature if spotted.

Extreme Traffic Hazard: Eldin Bridge has been extensively damaged, leaving a large gap. Strange black monsters have been spotted nearby. Do not approach.

Armed Robbery: Owner of the "STAR Challenge" tent reports cheating by one of his contestants who utilized "some sort of mechanical claw-shooting grappling hook thing" to win. Suspect was reported to be agitated over his disqualification and took the prize by threatening him with a broadsword with an ornate blue metal hilt, possibly stolen. Three young girls dispute the events. Suspect is blond and blue-eyed, last seen wearing a green tunic and long pointed green hat. Needed for questioning.

Kakariko Village Report: Instances of Cucco abuse have been on the rise. Eyewitnesses have reported a young man in a green tunic running out of town, chased by an agitated flock.

3 comments:

King of Ferrets said...

Amusing.

Dark Jaguar said...

Look that tent guy never said I couldn't use whatever devices I had on me, and the whole thing was a scam anyway! It's like calling the guy with a cannon a cheater when the "knock down the cups" game uses one big solid plastic mold that only looks like stacked cups!

Other than that, Link is completely insane. I mean the guy dashes around town madly, breaks a bunch of pots, then helps random strangers politely followed by bursting into the door of a family of 3, opening all the chests, then interrogating them about where the desert temple is before randomly pulling on a portrait, dusting a chicken in magic dust "just in case" as he tells them, and dashing outside.

You can't say he's just an adventurer because, well most of it is completley outside the task at hand. You can't say the guy's a murderer, or purely anti-social, or a thief or something, because he helps does good deeds for people just as often as he robs them, and most of what he does can't be classified as... anything rational for even a thief to engage in.

No the only rational explanation is Link is completely insane, like he has no grasp on reality and just does whatever pops into his mind that seems like it might be interesting maybe. Almost like... it's all a game to him.

Stogoe said...

"Look, ma'am, I'm saving the world here. Are you really going to complain that some clay pots got smashed along the way? I mean, if you want to do my job, feel free. Hell, I'll give you the sword, and you can go defeat the ultimate evil in my place. I could use a breather.

What's that? Can't do it? You're too afraid to step outside the city walls? Yeah, that's what I thought. Out of the way. I've got lives to save."