Tuesday, September 02, 2008

01# !fooW

As suggested by King of Ferrets, here comes the tenth !fooW post. Let's try to make it special. For those not in the know, ask me a question. Chances are, you'll get a silly answer.

43 comments:

King of Ferrets said...

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if said woodchuck was His Noodliness?

Bronze Dog said...

Enough to cook all the ramen Uzumaki Naruto will eat over the course of his life. That's a LOT.

King of Ferrets said...

So about 5969349345 metric tons of firewood then?

Bronze Dog said...

5969349345.2 metric tons.

stogoe said...

Who would win in a no-holds-barred cage match, Sarah "Mooseburger" Palin or Hurricane Gustav?

stogoe said...

And on a related note, who would win in a match between John McCain's POW cell and Bristol Palin's shotgun wedding?

Bronze Dog said...

Who would win in a no-holds-barred cage match, Sarah "Mooseburger" Palin or Hurricane Gustav?

All I got from Gustav is a little rain and a decent breeze. But Palin's apparently a YEC. Seriously weak. I'll assume Gustav was nastier closer up and go with it.

And on a related note, who would win in a match between John McCain's POW cell and Bristol Palin's shotgun wedding?

Hmm... Wonder if someone did a little video editing to put McCain's face in that old P.O.W. videogame. On the other hand, shotties are nice weapons for anything to have. Tough call, but I'll go with the one the one that goes in the same category as the videos that made me laugh watching the Colbert Report. P.O.W. cell wins.

King of Ferrets said...

No holds barred match between a ferret and a giant animated televsion remote, who wins? (If there were giant animated TV remotes, it would SO happen; my poor small electrical devices will attest to that. Ferrets seem to take an interest in them.)

Bronze Dog said...

Hmm... regular remotes have an instinctive defense of hiding in couch cushions, which isn't effective against the tube rats. However, giant remotes are known for being able to control things, no matter how little sense it makes. Probably has to do with the nuclear core, since radiation, like lightning, can do anything.

I'll tentatively give this one to the giant remote unless it ends up futilely trying to hide its bulk under cushions.

..."Futilely" looks funny.

King of Ferrets said...

I dispute the results of that match; we need to define the surronding area. If there aren't any electronics, the remote can't control anything. Also, we need to decide if the remote can fly or if it has legs.

King of Ferrets said...

No holds barred match between Abraham Lincoln on a T-Rex with some Febreeze, John Wilkes Booth riding a giant robot pirate and armed with Cloud's buster sword, Yoda riding Bahumat (the DnD one) with his lightsaber, that assasin guy I came up with for the untitled platformer with flying from his anti-grav tech, a cow with an uzi who knows kung-fu, George Bush strapped to a flying nuke, Lina Inverse wielding the Sword of Light, and Black Mage on the deathtrap with the Wing Zero's buster cannon attached to it! (Black Mage and the deathtrap are from 8-Bit Theater if you aren't familiar with it.)

Bronze Dog said...

Wow. I'm going to have to spend a bit of time going over the math for that one. Quick napkin calculations favor Lincoln with Febreeze, since Febreeze beats everything, but John Wilkes Booth beats Lincoln, so, yeah. It's going to take a bit. I'll get back to you, later.

King of Ferrets said...

Just to throw things up a bit... Add Vincent in Chaos form, dual wielding fully powered up Death Penalties!

King of Ferrets said...

By the way, if you think this is ridiculous, just be thankful I didn't throw in Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. =P

Bronze Dog said...

Yeah. We're over the top enough as it is.

King of Ferrets said...

Hey, this is for asking silly questions, right? Some are bound to be over the top.

Bronze Dog said...

Technically just silly answers. Silly questions are optional.

King of Ferrets said...

A less ridiculous question: Does watching anime before it comes out in America make me a geek, a nerd, or an uber geek nerd of awesome?

Bronze Dog said...

Neeeeerrrrrd! ;)

King of Ferrets said...

BD no baka! =P

King of Ferrets said...

1) I cast Magic Missle at the darkness! What does it hit?
2) I can haz cheezeburger?
3) What should I do next in my DnD campaign? My players are currently in the capital city of a realm where they're technically crimals because they were falsely accused of burning down the IRS-equivalent of the kingdom, probably trying to discover who framed them.

Bronze Dog said...

1) Roll a d20. I read 4th Ed. No more auto-hit spells for you, twink.
2) Yes. After you've had a bath.
3) Well, they've gone anti-tax, even unwillingly, so maybe they should try founding The Church of Tax Protesting Freeloaders while you sic some bureaucrats on them. Be sure to use the 4E minion template on the hoards and hoards of them.

King of Ferrets said...

I don't have the 4E books! We're playing 3.5!

Bronze Dog said...

Well, then, you must have a lot of orcs randomly showing up rambling about the update and registration in your campaign. Hope they don't end up shutting down your game when the old servers go down.

stogoe said...

I don't have the 4E books! We're playing 3.5!

You poor thing.

King of Ferrets said...

Servers? What?

Also, you still haven't answered the battle royale question. =P

Bronze Dog said...

Busy with Adobe Illustrator right now. And my math for that battle royale keeps trying to divide by zero.

King of Ferrets said...

Then figure out how to divide by zero. =P

Bronze Dog said...

Finally addressing Ferret's Battle Royale:

No holds barred match between Abraham Lincoln on a T-Rex with some Febreeze, John Wilkes Booth riding a giant robot pirate and armed with Cloud's buster sword, Yoda riding Bahumat (the DnD one) with his lightsaber, that assasin guy I came up with for the untitled platformer with flying from his anti-grav tech, a cow with an uzi who knows kung-fu, George Bush strapped to a flying nuke, Lina Inverse wielding the Sword of Light, and Black Mage on the deathtrap with the Wing Zero's buster cannon attached to it! (Black Mage and the deathtrap are from 8-Bit Theater if you aren't familiar with it.)

John Wilkes Booth immediately starts heading for Lincoln. While Lincoln sprays Booth's robot pirate, Booth sneaks up from behind and shoots Lincoln. Booth is immediately killed when Lincoln's T-rex seeks revenge for his fallen master.

Meanwhile, Air Force One deploys Bush riding the bomb onto the scene, waving his cowboy hat. The muri assassin from UP pulls out his sniper rifle and uses his cybernetics and bullet time ability to shoot him down almost immediately, causing the nuke to go off, just like in the movies.

I haven't watched Slayers, but I've got the wiki entry for Lina Inverse up, so I extrapolate that she'd end up crossing glowing blades with Yoda first since he's riding a dragon god in this match. Black Mage, aboard the Deathtrap fires the Buster Rifle, intending to hurl a Hadoken in tandem. This, naturally, causes the Deathtrap to malfunction and plummet. To soften his fall, he fires his Hadoken at the ground, but simultaneously succeeds at blowing away everything except the bedrock, ending in a painful bellyflop landing. Mostly because the universe exists to make Black Mage suffer.

On the ground, Lincoln's T-rex starts tearing apart the disabled but decent-smelling pirate robot while the kung fu cow tries to figure out how to pull an uzi's trigger without fingers. By the time it gives up, the T-rex has moved onto thoughts of dinner and snaps up the cow and is quietly dispatched by another sniper round from the muri assassin.

Yoda and Lina's battle shifts in Lina's favor briefly, letting her knock Yoda off of Bahamut. Yoda recovers thanks to Force power. Bahamut goes into a dive to try to force Lina off. On the way down, he spots the assassin's hiding spot, thanks to draconic and divine senses, turning the dive into an enormous body slam that crushes him. Both Lina and Bahamut are injured from the fall, but recover quickly. Bahamut employs his breath weapon while Lina cleaves the blast in half with her probably very oversized sword. Yoda aids by Force-hurling corpses onto Lina, dividing her efforts, leading to an eventual, inevitable victory for the dragon god and jedi master.

Disclaimer: Recalculation may be needed due to the gap in my knowledge about Slayers.

King of Ferrets said...

Yeah, it probably needs some reworking. Lina would probably kill Yoda and Bahamut with a well-placed Dragon Slave, and if that didn't work, slice them in half with the Ragna Blade spell, summoning into her hands a magical blade powered by God (aka the Lord of Nightmares, who made both the Gods and the Monsters and everything else) or possibly SUMMON God with the Giga Slave, which has the potential to destroy the universe if messed up by making her be possesed by the Lord of Nightmares.... oh just go watch Slayers. >.> (The Ragna Blade could probably cut through a lightsaber, btw... it cut through a barrier powered by the energy of the most powerful Slayers equivalent of a lightsaber. But yeah, Lina probably owns Yoda in close combat, and she has a spell whose original name was Dragon Slayer before being corrupted into Dragon Slave. Bahamut dies too.)

By the way, her blade is only SOMETIMES oversized. And it can be used to make her magic more powerful by casting it at the blade and slashing someone with said blade, which is what makes the blade oversized.

Though, based on the way Slayers magic works, Lina's magic might not actually work on Yoda, or any of the others, because they aren't from her world and therefore probably don't exist on her world's astral plane. Which actually doesn't make sense when you think about it, because it's only shamanism that directly attacks the astral plane version of people- Ow, I broke my brain!

Bronze Dog said...

Ow, I broke my brain!

Now you know what you put me through.

King of Ferrets said...

Let's just say Lina owns everyone by summoning God, or slashes them with a sword powered by God. The end.

King of Ferrets said...

You really should watch Slayers, aside from the overly-dramatic ends to each arc, its really good. If only the ends of the arcs made fun of themselves... then it would be even better.

King of Ferrets said...

By the way, the Sword of Light is basically a lightsaber. As can be deduced from its name.

King of Ferrets said...

Yknow, since everyone else has like... a pet or something except for the assasin, who doesn't really need it (bullet time), maybe Lina should get Gourry.

King of Ferrets said...

Wait, didn't I add Vincent to the battle?
"Just to throw things up a bit... Add Vincent in Chaos form, dual wielding fully powered up Death Penalties!"
Yes, it appears I did. You forgot him! =P

Hmmm... didn't know that Blogger comments don't allow the blockquote tag.

Bronze Dog said...

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

[/One of those Robot Chicken Aliens]

King of Ferrets said...

What is this Robot Chicken everyone speaks of? Seriously.

Bronze Dog said...

We'll tell you when you're older.

King of Ferrets said...

One of my friends is a year younger than me and talks about it. Tell me what it is!

King of Ferrets said...

*pokes BD with a pointy stick, attempting to torture BD into giving up the information on Robot Chicken* *rolls Torture check* *Natural 20! Go me!*

Stogoe said...

KoF, there's this thing called a Google. And you use this Google to find a Wikipedia, which you then trade for Pedantic, Obscure Nerd Trivia.

It's like a Zelda Trading Game. Only it's on the Internet.

King of Ferrets said...

Pfff. Actually bother doing research? I already do far too much of that in debate. =P