Tuesday, January 02, 2007

2# !fooW

I once again feel the need to bring some humor into people's lives. Ask me a question. Chances are, you'll get a silly answer.

38 comments:

Weapon of Mass Instruction said...

Which came first, the egg or the monkey?

Bronze Dog said...

Which came first, the egg or the monkey?

Ryan and I don't believe in Scientology.

Tom Foss said...

Is Cocksnack really just the world's greatest performance artist? I mean, these arguments are moving from absurd into Dadaist pretty quickly. Eventually his posts will be "F7g%?" and he'll be selling them to museums, methinks.

Bronze Dog said...

Is Cocksnack really just the world's greatest performance artist? I mean, these arguments are moving from absurd into Dadaist pretty quickly. Eventually his posts will be "F7g%?" and he'll be selling them to museums, methinks.

DADAIST MOVEMENT ENDS; 'VICTORY,' CRY DADAISTS

Dadaists Drench Selves with Glue in Celebration

'Make Angry Love to the Fish!' Cry Triumphant Artistes

austinatheist said...

How much cock could a Cocksnack snack if a Cocksnack could snack cock?

Infophile said...

What's Cocksnack's problem anyway?

Bronze Dog said...

How much cock could a Cocksnack snack if a Cocksnack could snack cock?

More than you could possibly imagine. Even more than was featured in that book Mr./Mrs. Garrison wrote. You know the one.

What's [WoMI]'s problem anyway?

As a child, he was viciously attacked by a jar of jelly.

JanieBelle said...

How deep is a bottomless pit?

Why are stop signs red?

Why was Adam such a dick to Lilith? She was way hotter than Eve.

Will Dick Clark ever get old?

Bronze Dog said...

How deep is a bottomless pit?

Deep enough to cause one heart worth of damage to Link. Much better than lava, especially when you've only got four total.

Why are stop signs red?

Because some pointy eared kid whacked one with a sword. Until then, they were all blue, and a bunch of red pegs were sticking out of the ground all over the US, obstructing our way.

Why was Adam such a dick to Lilith? She was way hotter than Eve.

I didn't know you were into that sort of thing. Kinky.

Will Dick Clark ever get old?

Not if the Doctor has anything to say about it.

Infophile said...

Let's try a full set of question words, alternately stemming from pop culture and my own deranged mind:

Who are you?

What do you get when you multiply zero by infinity?

Where's the beef?

When can we expect to see Ryan's new blog on your blogroll?

Why would you do such a thing?

Which would win in a fight: a duck-billed platypus, or a southern baptist with a pitchfork?

Amanda said...

What are the odds that Dick Clark really died when he had that stroke and has been replaced with a robot?

Infophile said...

About the same as the odds that Mick Jagger died a while back, and then rose from the grave when he heard Britney Spears' version of Satisfaction.

Bronze Dog said...

Let's try a full set of question words, alternately stemming from pop culture and my own deranged mind:

Who are you?


Who's asking? Oh, Infophile, right. I'm an illusion, the manifestation of all your adolescent dreams. Couldn't you have been more creative? I had to rip off FLCL, there.

What do you get when you multiply zero by infinity?

Pi a la mode.

Where's the beef?

By the telephone, along with the fish everyone was so busy looking for.

When can we expect to see Ryan's new blog on your blogroll?

Yesterday, when the TARDIS lands me there. It'll only take a Dalek versus Cyberman war to get it accomplished, and a paradox that makes it like one of those Voyager "never happened" episodes.

Why would you do such a thing?

Hey, I get to scare Daleks by mentioning the Doctor. Who could resist.

Which would win in a fight: a duck-billed platypus, or a southern baptist with a pitchfork?

Southern Baptists eschew all signs of diabolism when possible, so he tosses the pitchfork, and the patchwork critter eats him while he's admiring the "elegance" of its design.

What are the odds that Dick Clark really died when he had that stroke and has been replaced with a robot?

The probability of an event that has already occurred is 1.

About the same as the odds that Mick Jagger died a while back, and then rose from the grave when he heard Britney Spears' version of Satisfaction.

This is why I don't bother with celebrity news.

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

1. Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer (give at least 4 ways).

2. Sean Connery or Roger Moore?

3. To be or not to be?

4. What is the proper and best way to cook pommes frites and in what cooking medium is the classic French way to cook them (and IMHO the best)?

5. In what land are the Ulitma video games based?

6. What late 70's early 80's punk band's fans destroyed the Saturday Night Live set in 1980 and who's lead singer played the Strip club owner in Flashdance?

Bronze Dog said...

1. Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer (give at least 4 ways).

1. Hook it up to a self-sealing stedbolt and reroute power to the phaser array. Level the building. Height = 0.

2. Point out the absurdity of measuring height using a tool not designed to measure in those units. Change definition of height to whatever you want.

3. Declare the height of the building to be whatever you want it to be. Claim barometer measurements are all a conspiracy of the 1,000 footists.

4. Write down a bunch of numbers and hope the professor doesn't notice.

2. Sean Connery or Roger Moore?

KHAAAAAAAAAAN!

3. To be or not to be?

Like you have a choice in the matter.

4. What is the proper and best way to cook pommes frites and in what cooking medium is the classic French way to cook them (and IMHO the best)?

I don't eat snails. You know the French use them in everything, right?

5. In what land are the Ulitma video games based?

The one where they all drive on the wrong side of the road.

6. What late 70's early 80's punk band's fans destroyed the Saturday Night Live set in 1980 and who's lead singer played the Strip club owner in Flashdance?

Yanni.

Corporal Kate said...

Pork. White meat?

And red or white wine with that?

Meatloaf.

Same questions.

Corporal Kate said...

P.S.

Salisbury Steak TV dinner.

Same questions.

Bronze Dog said...

Pork. White meat?

And red or white wine with that?


Pork is a very light pink, not white.

Wine is supposed to be red, white, and blue, otherwise its [insert diatribe featuring nasty French stereotypes.]

Meatloaf.

Same questions.


He'd do anything for love, but he won't do that.

P.S.

Salisbury Steak TV dinner.

Same questions.


Ask Chef, if you can keep him from turning it into a song about women and their thetan levels.

Rockstar Ryan said...

6. What late 70's early 80's punk band's fans destroyed the Saturday Night Live set in 1980 and who's lead singer played the Strip club owner in Flashdance?

Yanni.

HA!

Isn't Yanni the source of all evil in the universe?

Or is it Saddam Hussein now that he lives in hell, pushing around Satan and trying to have Terrance and Phillip killed?

Bronze Dog said...

Isn't Yanni the source of all evil in the universe?

No. Green ketchup is.

Or is it Saddam Hussein now that he lives in hell, pushing around Satan and trying to have Terrance and Phillip killed?

Read a newspaper. Satan cashed in a favor God (who is a Buddhist) owed him, and now Hussein's stuck in Heaven, being tormented by having to stay with Mormons for eternity. Bush thinks he's building WMDs up there.

Weapon of Mass Instruction said...

Which came first, the monkey or the evolutionist?

Bronze Dog said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chewbacca_defense">Look at the silly monkey!

Rockstar Ryan said...

Which came first the dirt or the xian?

Bronze Dog said...

Dirt didn't exist until Peter Popoff invented it.

Spirula said...

Isn't Yanni the source of all evil in the universe??

Dammit! All this time I thought it was Michael Bolton.

Dikkii said...

Cybermen vs Borg.

Who wins?

Bronze Dog said...

Considering that a bizarre set of alliances of circumstance and convenience have pitted Batman on the side of the Cybermen against Dr. Doom on the side of the Borg. Batman and the Cybermen win, but only in a manner that furthers the plans of Dr. Doom.

Ranson said...

Y'know, just when I think we can't be any more similarly geeky . . .

Anyway, Red Mage versus Green ketchup, first to thirty points wins . . .Go!

Bronze Dog said...

Y'know, just when I think we can't be any more similarly geeky . . .

Anyway, Red Mage versus Green ketchup, first to thirty points wins . . .Go!


RM "accidentally" falls into the green ketchup, gains some stat bonuses with dodgy rules lawyering, and wins 30-27. He is later forced to give up the win for sneaking Febreeze onto the field.

JanieBelle said...

Are we at war with Oceana?

Have we ever been?

Bronze Dog said...

Are we at war with Oceana?

Have we ever been?


Nope. Bill O'Wily made the whole thing up in an intricate plot to make us think that not giving preferential treatment to one super state's tourist locations amounts to persecution.

Rockstar Ryan said...

Don't be so proud of this technological terror you've created. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to...my psychic choking ability.

Brendan said...

Given: A little old lady lives all alone with a snake, two rats, three parakeets, and an orangutan.
Using the above information, determine the necessary quantity of pancakes to completely cover the doghouse.

Rockstar Ryan said...

7 - Bananas don't have seeds!

Bronze Dog said...

Given: A little old lady lives all alone with a snake, two rats, three parakeets, and an orangutan.
Using the above information, determine the necessary quantity of pancakes to completely cover the doghouse.


There are no rabbits involved, hence no need for pancakes.

Brendan said...

good call. I never saw that flaw. I'll have to rethink my methods.

Dikkii said...

Considering that a bizarre set of alliances of circumstance and convenience have pitted Batman on the side of the Cybermen against Dr. Doom on the side of the Borg. Batman and the Cybermen win, but only in a manner that furthers the plans of Dr. Doom.

Good work.

How about a WWE match-up of Barney versus Grimace.

Who wins?

Bronze Dog said...

How about a WWE match-up of Barney versus Grimace.

Who wins?


Grimace, because he's more popular, rather than actual combat ability. Barney might have an edge in a non-staged fight, but that depends on just how effective six inch foam daggers for teeth are.