Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The Racket (Rough Draft)

[Setting: A convenience store being run by an ATHEIST]

A GANGSTER and a GOON enter the store, and briefly look around before approaching the ATHEIST.

GANGSTER: "You've got a nice soul there. Would be a shame if something were to... happen to it."

ATHEIST: "Well, I'm not worried about that until someone can prove-"

GOON: (Makes a gesture over an empty shelf as if deliberately and forcefully pushing something over.) "Oops! Sorry about your fairy, there."

GANGSTER: "It's a pity. All sorts of... accidents happen all the time. But we've got some friends of ours who can help... 'protect' ya from this sort of thing."

ATHEIST: (Looks between the two incredulously) "I'm not really interested in that sort of thing."

GANGSTER: "I know what you're thinking, but this is a free service. All you have to do is come to some group meetings every Sunday morning. Though donations and such are appreciated.

ATHEIST: "No thanks."

GANGSTER: "Woah, you think this is a scam or something? Everything's nice and legal. The government even gives us a tax break. In fact, they do some advertising for us, putting logos on coins, getting kids to recite some jingles at school..."

ATHEIST: "I don't feel comfortable with the government doing that. The founding fathers didn't found a nation of sell-outs who coerce my kid to say silly stuff when they don't mean it. Or for other kids to pick on them for not reciting the jingle."

GOON: (Pushes another unseen object over) "Oops!"

GANGSTER: "You see? If you sign up, you don't have to worry about that sort of thing happening!"

ATHEIST: "I've had lots of other people come in here and say that of their organization. They haven't performed any better. Why should I join any of them, and if I did, why you over them?"

GANGSTER: "You heard about that guy whose Bigfoot ended up getting eaten by the Loch Ness Monster? We had that covered until he switched over. Then he switched back."

ATHEIST: "Urban legend. Never saw anyone launching a serious investigation. Anecdotes aren't very good, anyway."

GANGSTER: "What about all those guys who all end up miserable for not signing up?"

ATHEIST: "Typically never see 'em. And customer satisfaction isn't always an indicator of whether or not a product really works."

(To be continued when I think of something resembling an ending.)


Anonymous said...

Heh, that's funny! Keep going!

J. J. Ramsey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J. J. Ramsey said...

I think someone beat you to it: Kissing Hank's Butt

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

BD I've got a live on at my place again. Not a the cussing ranting Kansas troll type but the twist every word into something else Scientists are all liars type.

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

live one that is

Thursday said...

Mind if I come up with a little something? Won't be around until tomorrow night, but it'll be there...