Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Funny Searches: January 2007

Well, last year I didn't get many of these, but they've built up pretty quickly:

can a woman give birth to a dog: Turn her around, Dad, I want a puppy!

fetish of divine bronze: In another time and place, I might be flattered.

why astrology: Why not? Because it's a load of bullcarp. That's why not.

blood virgin picture: I'm not really into that BDSM stuff.

positive things about sylvia browne: And he got me instead of a 404?

people who hAVE SUPERNATURAL ABILITIES: You can find them in the Monster Manual. Not sure how many can be safely called "people." Oh, and someone bumped your volume control, there.

measurements of gameboys: Make sure they include the DS on there. Nintendo can deny it all they want, but it's the Gameboy DS, not Nintendo DS.

danger of dowsing crystals: May cause unsafe levels of credulity, closed-mindedness, and if it's sharp enough, you could put an eye out.

ninjas are god: You've got it backwards.

james randi arrogant: It's not arrogance if you deserve it.

"The Biggest Douche in the Universe": John Edward.

"greek myth blind spot": It was inflicted upon us by Squidipus, born of Poseidon and well, he'd rather not talk about that.

lincoln nebraska sluts: Hey, this is a family blog! Well, kinda...

sylvia browne charities: She gives money until it eases her conscience just enough for her to sleep at night.

sylvia browne psychic reading on president for 2008: Someone better than Bush. I hope.

decemberween: You're fifty-five days after Halloween.

sylvia browne cancer cures: If I were a nastier person, I'd rephrase that as "Cancer cures [world of] Sylvia Browne," but I'm not quite that mean. Most I'd wish for is probably something like that charities link above.

do sylvia browne really knows about everyone life: 1. No. 2. Stop contributing to the perception that all southerners (this came from Mississippi) are illiterate morons.

I am a Virgo , Psychic will I win , tell me for free: All the signs are a month off, Woo are you, insult free of charge.

what words to use on people who want to change there life from smokin weed: 1. I would name some brand of patch or gum or something, except I don't know any for marijuana. 2. Try at least using the right words for properly constructing a sentence before you try provoking life-altering epiphanies: It's "their" as a possessive, and though I'm guilty of it, it's not a substitute for our language's lack of a singular neuter possessive pronoun for living things.

sylvia browne and coins: She likes collecting the ones people send to her. Not for their historical value, though.

can sylvia browne tell a person when they are going to die: She needs to work on being able to tell if they're dead or alive before she works on making predictions.


evidence proving fairies do not exist: You know you've hit rock bottom when you're the archetypal analogy for shifting the burden of proof.

blowjob quiet: I'm not going to fall for that like Clinton did.

sylvia browne "black people": I think I'll avoid touching this one. I'm morbidly curious what else showed up on that search, though. I'm also scared to look, lest my disgust for Sylvia reach unprecedented levels.

positive sylvia browne experiences: I'm sorry, Mario, but our hag is in another castle.

sylvia browne appearance in austin: If you find one, be sure to tell my brother. He could probably stand to branch out a little.

jack chick idiot: You said it!

fucking sylvia vs other psychic: I CAN'T BURN THE IMAGE OUT OF MY MIND!!!111!

psychic powers testing, coin stuck on wall: Turns out it was just chewing gum. They had a hidden camera to see how long people would try to pick it off.

hand waving fallacy: The propulsion system proposed for the new Intelligently Designed airplane.

lion serpent sylvia brown: Try "lying serpent" or "forked tongue." That should provide more results.

nikken dog pills: Take with large grains of salt.

manipulating the munchies when your high: When my high what does what? People need to learn to at least complete thoughts, if not sentences.

sylvia brown follow ups: Performed only by skeptics.

lunatic fundies: Search performed by the department of redundancy department.

how to draw ass: My art days focused mostly on abstract art. I'm sure there's at least one website you could use for reference out there.


Unknown said...

Manipulating the munchies? What sort of result do you think they wanted? Whatever they wanted, a little applied willpower goes a long way when stoned, I'm sure. Also, I suspect they were high when they wrote that, so the rest of the statement must have been forgotten. The thought process was probably complete, and then they forgot how to end it, and figured Google would know. How they ended up here is anyone's guess.

Infophile said...

Is there an easy way to check what searches led to your blog? I tried it through my sitemeter, but it's a little inefficient to pick out all the Google searches from the referers.

Bronze Dog said...

I check my site meter pretty regularly, so it wasn't terribly inefficient for me to just copy/paste.

Ryan Michael said...

Hey BD and all my Blogger Beta Buddies:

I figured out again how I got the recent comments to work:

Go to template, click on add page element, click on "feed" and enter

Just sub yourblogname with, well, your blog name.


Bronze Dog said...

Invalid feed URL.

Ryan Michael said...

Sorry, that should read

It cut off the last "l".

Ryan Michael said...

Tapdancing christ:

Bronze Dog said...

Still doesn't work. I can look at the page when I type it in my browser, but not the feed object: Invalid feed URL.

Infophile said...

I have to ask: You are replacing "yourblogname" with "rockstarramblings," right?

Bronze Dog said...

Yes, because my site feed wouldn't show up in my browser if I typed it differently.

Infophile said...

Okay, oddly, I can do it on my blog, using your comment feed ( feeds/comments/full). Not sure what's going on for you.

Don said...

Hmm...I get "Invalid feed URL" for my blog as well. This is quite strange.

Ryan Michael said...

Mrsafrasinzrfrkrfn Beta!

[/Yosemite Sam swearing]

Bronze Dog said...

It finally worked. Apparently the thing was about as fickle as Weapon's views on truth.

Ryan Michael said...

Good. It's easier to keep up with the good discussions on one hand, torture and ridicule Cocksnack on the other.

PS - Did you know you have the distinction of being listed as "Complete waste of time" on Cocksnack's blog? The other is Pharyngula, so at least you're in good company.

Infophile said...

Wow, you're in good company there, BD. Now I'm feeling a bit disappointed that I was able to convince him that trolling my blog was too big a waste of time for him to bother at all. Ah well.

And now he's come across the argument that SETI proves ID is valid. I think Skeptico fielded this one a while back: The difference is that SETI is looking for beings that would share many common traits with us (living in the same universe for one), so we can make many predictions of how they'd behave. A god, on the other hand, is, as IDiots themselves claim, completely outside our understanding. Therefore, we'd be able to come up with no predictions of how it would behave.