Monday, April 30, 2007

Funny Searches: April 2007

does thieves medicine help with a cold?: Does anything work on a cold?

verses then the declaration of houses then the greater: AGAIN? What the [frell]? If anyone would like to inform me just what this is supposed to be, please tell me. If it gives any hints, this was a search from

how to spot crappy crack cocaine: I take the safe path: I assume it's all crappy, and thus don't use it.

then the declaration of houses then the greater inclination then the touchstone: Okay, that's the third time. Is some annoyed neopagan woo trying to cast a hex on my blog or something? Of course, posting it in the previous searches probably attracted more, but seriously, what the [frell] is up with this? This one came from good ol' 'merican

"declaration of houses": What have I done? Note that this is the third one on April 3rd.

"then the declaration of houses": Please, just stop... or should I stop listing this? Fourth one.

funny pilot mistakes: Must be slim pickings in that search. Then again, there are the Darwin Awards for the appropriately morbid.

what kinda dog am i quizzes: Well I know what my result would be.

blog teaches lie steal break other person soul: You want a PDF version of the Necrotelecomnicon.

Sylvia Browne + Entry points: No! I don't want that image in my head!

THUNDERSTORMS, WHY THE FEAR?: I normally sleep through thunderstorms, but not when they're as loud as you.

bronze blog gay: Am not! ...not that there's anything wrong with that.

satan free dating online site: So, is this person asking for a dating site that is Satan-free, or a site for dating Satan, free of charge?

i feel special hahahaha: Somehow, I have a feeling you are ...special.

what to do when your baked: Go ahead, finish the sentence. When my baked what?...

i'm a religious man, i pray flood: You mean you're the guy who told God to drown all those people, and my dear Ed, nearly all the bunnies? YOU MAKE BUNNY CRY!

don't laugh, it works 100% of the time although the scientists: And yet when someone points out a failure, you'll either redefine "works" or say that you've never made this claim.

how to avoid the munchies when your high stoned: Wouldn't know, but here's an idea: Spend your grocery budget on "recreation," and eating won't distract you from the sheer enormity of your hands.

fish in asshole: Dude, I try not to judge, but don't bring that in here.

James Randi, prick: Yeah. He takes down a lot of nasty people in that wretched hive of scum and villainy: Woodom. His targets range from pricks to human excrement. Well, actually they often go beyond the latter quite often. All peddle bovine excrement... Boy, am I going to get some more entertaining searches to rival Matt's. Maybe.

Atheist doctrine: Error 404: File not found.

in august 2005- "invisible man" still exists: Do you have a photograph?

BRONZE DOWSING RODS: I've got one, and sometimes it leads me to awkward places.

nantucket nectars drinkers: Is that how the limerick ends? I never heard it beyond establishing that the man is from there.

bronze dog poop: I'm turning into Matt.

sylvia browne 2007 predictions school shooting: I doubt it. You might get more results searching for "postdictions."

if god exist can lycanthropes: ArrrrrOOOOO! You've got it backwards.

bronze effects on modern society: I'd like to think I'm helping at least one or two people break out of crippling, negative superstitions, as well as providing a few laughs. That, and I occasionally donate money to good causes. Going to try some more of that after I get my books in order and my tax refund.

why does a bullet refract when it enters water: Light refracts. Bullets ricochet. Don't you know the difference? ...Is it just my web browser, or do I need to goad Ryan into fixing the images in that link?

????: My universal translator's busted, and Firefox can't seem to make up its mind about showing or not showing what appears to be Russian.

youtube people pooping: Eww.

æther generator: Not going to happen... Or is that a Magic: The Gathering card?

atom buddha BLack hole: If you meet Buddha on the road and kill him by dropping him in a black hole, does he make a make a sound when he hits the singularity, or just a soft flumph in the super strings?

can you smoke cannabis leafs?: 1. I could, but I don't wanna. 2. Isn't it "leaves"? or are you people searching from spelling even more things in unpatriotic, non-'merican ways, now?

stupid atheism: Not going to find a whole lot of that out there, but I imagine it's hypothetically possible.

22 powerful enough for groundhogs: But pH balanced for a woman.

autism anime: Well, that'd be interesting to watch.

buried robots anime: Dearly beloved, we are gathered to mourn the passing of Gigantor. Oh, wait, Jimmy's waggling the remote. Yay! Gigantor's back!


Don said...

autism anime: Well, that'd be interesting to watch.

I think a powerful case could be made for Shinji's autism, and maybe Millie from Trigun, too.

Anonymous said...

Okay, the Satan free dating site nearly made me spit my Mountain Dew all over the keyboard... I can't decide which version would be more entertaining!

Seriously, though, I bet the fish one has to do with the alleged "penisfish" that was on Grey's Anatomy last week. (I think it's the candiru??) That, plus some serious anatomical confusion, would make sense (given the number of pot-related hits you've had).

IAMB said...

Dude, you are going to be seeing some of my usual results if you keep this up.

On another note, I took "Satan free dating site" as meaning one where my ex-wife didn't have a profile.


Anonymous said...

Isn't it "leaves"? or are you people searching from spelling even more things in unpatriotic, non-'merican ways, now?

No, they're just illiterate. It's "leaves" in UK English too.

Anonymous said...

The limerick as I recall it is:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it."

Unknown said...

"Nantucket Nectar" is a New England soft drink like "Snapple"

Bing said...

That was quite fun. Huzzah!

Jason said...


You're getting those odd searches to your site ("declaration of houses" etc) from people searching for clues to level 7 riddle. The title is "Edith Wharton's got Googley Eyes" and the text is a string of Edith Wharton books (some misspelled, for some reason) against a painful to view red background. Most people like see this, drop the text string into Google, and see what comes up.

And I know this because that's what I did.

Here's the page I'm talking about:

Anonymous said...

Just so y'all know, the whole thing with "declaration of houses" and all that is for a website that has a riddle relating to books that Edith Wharton wrote. You would've known that if you'd taken two seconds to look it up.
But the spelling for them in the riddle is wrong, so people are looking on "unofficial" websites that might have incorrect spelling. Happy now? God, people are slow...

Anonymous said...

It's me again, the person who just commented above. The answer is, yes, I am aware that somebody answered the question right before I did. No, I was not aware of this at the time of posting (well, technically I was aware, but at an unconscious level, but I won't get into that). I'm going to try and mask my seeming stupidity by reiterating how stupid the people are who were wondering about the declaration of houses thing. As I said, you could take two seconds to look it up, and Edith Wharton's name comes up. It's MAGIC!

Tom Foss said...

These searchblogging posts tend to be more joke-oriented, less research-oriented. If I got that search, chances are I'd post my first impression rather than the actual conclusion of Googling.